Wednesday, 09.29.2010 - 8:09 pm.
I had a lovely lunch today. My friend/mentor W and I met up to review my cases and talk about a third colleague that's leaving our clinic. Now he and I will have to pay almost double the rent. But if I get lucky, I'll still be able to cover that with one of the two patients she's refering to me (the other is for free) and my two own patients. I used to have three, but one is virtually finished and we only have two sessions to go.
But I digress. We went to a place near our old university. The weather was cold, it was drizzling...how I love this (disregarding the suffering an disasters that happen across this poverty-stricken country...). The place we chose was packed and we moved to the restaurant across the parking lot, a burger place. I was pleasantly surprised when I noticed that I paid for my burger + fries + soda AND a plastic, large cup of small chocolate chip cookies. Meanwhile, W reviewed my cases, guided me on what to do next, and it was just a great moment for me: epic company, eating junk food, talking psychology and how to improve people's lives. One of those moments that make you say, life is good, man.
This evening I've been having Joseph thoughts, hurtful ones, but I've been distracting from them quickly. I've put on hold the letter I was writing to him but I'm almost done. I only need to apologize to him for my mistakes and not-apologize for others. But not yet I shall write it. I'm at risk of starting to think of him and his wife and the whole "we were together 4 years and a half and he married her 4 months after dumping me" speech.
Unfortunately, I don't have much to distract my thoughts with, romantically speaking. I saw Joe on monday and do you think I have heard from him since then? Not at all. I sent him a message telling him I could drop by his office today at noon to lend him 12 bar blues by Scott Weiland, since he'd asked for it. But he never replied.
I was very wishful yesterday, but given his silence, my hope is starting to die again. I knew it, anyway, he isn't interested in me that way, he moved on (if he was ever really into me). I grasped that hope because I genuinely like him and I was hoping this time there would be a spark. There wasn't.
Last night I went out with Victor1 and Victoria. Laughter and heartache all around. I love being with them and how we can talk openly about ourselves. We went for mexican food at a small, cheap place near the university, and then we moved to an ice cream parlor in the same street as the pedestrian entrance of the university. That's the place where one day, in April 2004, I saw a stranger with awesome neon green headphones on walk by the huge window of the ice cream parlor and I thought, "THAT's the guy I'm going to marry". It was Joseph.
Anyway!
I don't think I'll write tomorrow, my dad's birthday (happy birthday, dad!), so goodbye september. I love october. Although it's going to mark two years of Joseph breaking up with me.
But hell, as I was saying, in spite of all the uncertainty and the lack of opportunities for my graduate education and my money struggles and my little demons, life is good. Really good.
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