He fucking.....omits me.
Tuesday, 09/24/02 - 5:15 pm.

I arrived to school at 6:25 am this morning. It was nice to see the halls completely empty (well, there were only two people there already, but you get the point).

I seem to be more affected by Denver's indifference when I'm at home than when I'm at school. At school I usually don't react. Today we smiled at each other. He was going to put his hand on my head but I moved aside. I was smiling, but in the inside I heard the bleeding part of me saying don't fuckin' touch me, idiot, you've hurt me enough.

I do feel pointless at school. My days are empty. I'm awfully unhappy. Nothing makes me entirely happy, and I feel time is going way too slow for something to happen and way too fast to give a chance for anything to happen.

Wait...it's the same.

When I think of having a rock band, I imagine myself coming up with songs like the one below...

Puddle of mudd - "she hates me"
Met a girl, thought she was grand
fell in love, found out first hand
went well for a week or two
then it all came unglued

in a trapp trip I can't grip
never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
trust
she fucking hates me
la la la love
I tried too hard
and she tore my feelings like I had none
and ripped them away

She was queen for about an hour
after that shit got sour
she took all I ever had
no sign of guilt
no feeling of bad, no

In a trapped trip I can't grip
never thought i'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

That's my story, as you see
learned my lesson and so did she
now it's over and i'm glad
'cause i'm a fool for all i've said

She fucking hates me
trust
she fucking hates me
la la la love
I tried too hard
and she tore my feelings like I had none
and ripped them away

la la la la la la la la la love
Trust
la la la la la la la la la love
Trust
and she tore my feelings like I had none...

No, I don't think he *hates* me. It's more like he doesn't care about me. But almost every line fits pretty well.

Today Rod found a white mouse in the classroom, and we adopted it as the classroom pet. Everybody said he was really cute...yes, even girls. I was expecting most of the girls go eeewww! a mouse! kill him!. But they loved him. In fact, they named him. A disgusting, girly, corny name I prefer not to mention. Later on we voted and we freed him. There are too many caged animals in this miserable world.

So I was saying, I'm more affected by his indifference at home. When I come and think. When I think and compare. No sign of guilt, no feeling of bad. I don't exist in his life. It's like I never have.

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