Thursday, 03.17.2011 - 3:50 pm.
We have this habit of wrapping up under the same blanket and watching a movie at night, every night. When the movie's done, we fall asleep next to each other and later I'm woken up by the airplanes descending at midnight. I remember then how I always wished to live by a train station or an airport, to look outside and see trains or planes arriving and departing. I got my wish. I see the planes through the glass door that leads to the balcony, and we're on a 4th floor.
One of these things Jake and I fell asleep like we usually do, "to nap" before we go to bed...each to their own bed, that is. After a few minutes, I felt him climb on top of me and he kissed me until I opened my eyes. I woke up in darkness, he was asleep next to me. I just thought, "damn, I have the hots for my roommate". Or landlord, more precisely.
I've noticed how the personal space of our interactions is decreasing. When he kisses me goodbye or good night on the cheek, his arm goes around my waist. When I'm cooking, he stands next to me and my elbow pokes his stomach. He touches my nose when it's cold. He, of course, always prepares my milk.
This is what I was looking for, I guess: someone who made me feel that everything I went through with those other guys, you know who, was either worth it or simply unimportant.
I miss him the entire day while he's at work; I hate when he leaves and maybe it's just me, but it seems he hates it, too. I think of my last relationship and how I didn't feel any of this...the silent giggling as soon as he turns his back, the feeling of melting when he does this or that, the trouble taking my eyes off of him when he's reading or holding his bass guitar. And the whole time I feel this weird thing in my heart, like it's about to burst, like when you're gasping for air. Like when you're falling in love.
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