Fighting and making-up, the rational-emotive way.
Tuesday, 04.03.2012 - 10:07 pm.

So, I find myself having a girl's night in tonight. Andrew went over to a friend's house to play LoL or Starcraft -not sure- together. Haha. He's such a gamer, but he's my gamer. I'm having a wonderful time by myself, even though I'm not doing anything other than surfing the web, having supper and watching TV.

I miss having time to myself, I guess. I spend the day alone mostly but it's just delicious being alone at night, which is when we usually have time for us. A couple of weeks ago I peeked into the spare bedroom, and I stayed there for a while looking at the single bed, and longed for living on my own. Don't get me wrong, I love living with Andrew and I wouldn't move out for anything. I'm free and independent even while I live with someone but yeah, I didn't get to live in solitude. I do know he also wanted to live alone, to walk around naked and play his games, but I think we both compromise very well and we live happy together.

We had a rough week, though. Aside from the episode of two sundays ago, in which I felt he took over what I wanted to do in the kitchen, on tuesday or wednesday he got mad, too. It was an irrational thing on his part, sometimes certain thoughts overcome him. He noticed he treated me badly and he was all humble and sad-eyed and made me sit on his lap to hug. I asked him in tears not to get mad at me when I made those kind of mistakes and he was just embarrassed, because it was a silly thing: I ruined the rice for lunch. He got mad not really at me, it's just so ridiculously easy for him to get frustrated sometimes. Well, lunch was dissapointing, so there you go. It was a ridiculous situation, really, and we moved on.

Saturday night, I got really, really mad because I asked him if we could watch a movie and he said yes. Then he said we could instead try to finish watching the season of Friends we're on. Then he interrupted after one episode because he remembered a band he likes was playing on Lollapalooza and wanted to watch it on streaming. To all that, I said yeah, ok, no problem. I was ok with it. But when he found out the concert wasn't on streaming, he started playing his game. I didn't realize that until he was well in the game, and I know those matches last 45 minutes and no way he interrupts one, so I just got frustrated and went to bed.

In bed, with the lights out, he asked me if something was wrong. I told him pretty much the above paragraph and he placed the responsibility on me: I should have told him to stop, I should've insisted. I don't remember what I said but then there was silence and he fell asleep. I couldn't sleep for hours and I cried and cried, and I was so, so pissed off. I was being blamed and that was unfair. And it took me back to other situations, when Joseph kept criticizing me and Art kept giving me guilt trips, and I was so angry.

In the morning I was still pissed and Andrew asked, again, what was wrong. So I revisited that he'd left me hanging the night before, adding that on top of that he wanted me to take responsibility for his behavior. He seemed annoyed but didn't accept nor deny what I was saying and, as he'd done in bed, after I spoke, he didn't say a thing. And we didn't say a thing to each other for hours and stayed in separate rooms.

And I thought to myself, "see, this is why women reply 'nothing' when they're asked what's wrong! You speak your mind and get in more trouble" (Actually, I don't know if that's why, but you know, you go through these things and start speaking for your gender as a whole). I could sense Andrew was mad at me, perhaps he didn't agree with my point of view though he didn't say anything.

But you know what? He still listened to me, he paid attention to my reasons for being angry. It felt AWESOME being able to speak my mind and tell him what was wrong. After I said all those things, he was mad or whatever at me, but me, I was relieved and in fact, I got over the whole thing! I was cheerful minutes after talking about it and was sure we'd eventually make up and make out. That's what it takes for me: to have time to sort my thoughts and put them in words and be listened to.

As the day progressed, we eventually exchanged a few icy words and at lunch he made a delicious meal and I complimented his cooking. In the afternoon we cleaned up the house together because we were having guests to watch the Game Of Thrones premiere. In the evening we were making out in the kitchen and at night, I slept with his arm around me, which makes me so happy.

I can't think of a better man to spend and share my life with. We have our conflicts, as this week proves, but I think we're also good at solving them. We both need time and distance to process things, but we can also verbalize them and listen to what the other has to say. We are a wonderful team, I can't believe my good fortune of finding Andrew. I'm so in love, and so grateful for having him with me.

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