Friday, 10/19/01 - 2:53 p.m..
I had never felt like that before.
Well, we went to the Loyola Center. It's magical, really. That place has something that always makes you think. You just feel...fulfilled. The place has a lot of trees and the weather is just perfect. It's like a dream.
Anyway, I put on my new black, thight shirt. It's the first time I wear something without sleeves. I never...I just never wore one of those before. I thought I should give it a try. Not to mention, my "hip huggers". It was a damn sexy combination, like someone pointed out later. I left home at 7:15 and arrived to Loyola at 7:30. The thing was scheduled to start at 8 sharp. There were some people already. Norman arrived later...driving his car! At this age, some people can drive but I believe he's the only one who actually drives. I ran up to his car and showed him my outfit...he was in awe. While I was with him, the guy arrived. He doesn't care a lot about his clothing...but anyone like him wouldn't. Everything just fits him the right way. I left Norman and got back to the group of girls I was talking to. Then the guy approaches and kisses everybody in the cheek, saying hi. Since I was there, he had to kiss me, too. But not without first looking at me from head to toe (at least I got the feeling he did). Nothing else happened, and I felt really disappointed.
We had some group activities in the woods. Then, we got separated by grades (room A and B) to reflect about our school year and the one that's to come.
Apparently, the biggest goal for many people is to have a great prom party.
So...after all, it was a nice experience. Uh, wait...the guy actually grabbed me once. We were sitting on a little hill with Fidel, Norman and people from the pastoral group. He was there, too. We finished talking and went up to the main room, where we were working. He was coming behind me. I got in the room and he grabbed my arms and walked by. I guess he *tried* to make it look as if he crashed with me. But I'm pretty sure he didn't. Maybe it was just an excuse to touch me? Maybe.
Now, I'm sorry if this sounds shallow...and it actually does. I felt pretty good looking...*ahem*...sexy. Many people told me how hot I was looking, that I looked like a model...it made me feel fuckin' good. BUT I didn't get what I expected...the guy. My guy. I actually dressed that way because of him. But nothing happened...uh, ok, I too dressed that way because I felt like. It was also a little something for my self-esteem. I felt good that way. I looked and felt good at the same time.
I wanted to cry because of my disappointment. It's damn hard when you want something from someone you love and you don't get it, because that someone does not love you back. I just wanted him to tell me that I looked good.
I'm not wearing that "sexy" outfit (tasteful, may I add...everything was covered) anymore. I'm sure I impressed everybody with it. I guess they all expected me to dress up like a nun, since they label me as a nerd. But nooo, I dressed up like a female Steven Tyler. And even the girls went nuts...OHMYGOD, youlooksobeautiful!!!. Even Melvin told me hey, nice pants. Well, at least I had a nice day...except for the guy, yes.
I'm not thinking of anything smart to say. It's only about what happened outside of me, as you may have noticed. I'll come back when I have something less shallow to talk about. I can only think of my boy, right now. Fuck, he's not even "my" boy. But I love him. And I still hold the offer...I'd give him all of me if he loved me. But since that's not happening, I feel I'm being wasted.
Write down on our goals-for-the-future list that we have to be make our prom party the best one in school history, ever (the sad part, is that I was writing down...).
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