Tuesday, 04.02.2013 - 8:15 pm.
I got a job! I'm a research assistant! I'm taking Andrew's place, since he was promoted to co-researcher. It's a three-year-long research on well-being and nutrition/food. I get to coordinate stuff and maybe travel a little at some point, and help write papers to be published.
It is an amazing opportunity, I couldn't be any more grateful. It's wonderful that one of the two professors in charge of the research thought of me, Andrew did not recommend me, he never mentioned me at all (for obvious reasons). She was my professor one semester and liked my academic performance so she thought of me for the position. She's wonderful, very encouraging with her students. In fact, a paper Andrew and I wrote that semester is being reviewed for publication, she encouraged us to send it in.
So she recommended me, and the other professor, who leads the research, said yes. I've met her through Andrew (he's worked with both professors for years) and she has an impressive resumé. They both know Andrew and I are dating. It's never been a problem, luckily. He and I have worked together for two years and I think we manage the several layers of our relationship very well. We've been professionals since the beginning.
So yay! I still need my residency to get paid, but they know that. I'm working on a few tasks and next week I get to run the first focus groups. I'm really excited. It's just a few hours a week though there's the possibility of getting part-time. But beyond getting paid, it is a great job to have.
So, um, speaking of layers of the relationship, Andrew and I did not have the best week last week. We didn't fight, it was just an annoying environment and either of us said anything about it to change it. He was really irritated and that irritated me. I think we spent a lot of our time together those days in silence and frowning. Except when he was insisting on a subject and I said "stop giving me orders" or something like that, which is perhaps the meanest thing I've said to him (I've thought of far uglier things when I'm angry at him but I don't say them, for I know I'll regret it). It is a big deal, I don't like being mean, let alone to Andrew. I didn't regret it though. I hated that I upset him but it was cathartic.
Still, I poured my heart out in a hand-written journal I have around and said nasty things. But it all came down to the fact that I am not assertive. I thought I'd learned, but this week proved otherwise. It's not that I think "he should know what I'm thinking!", it's "I can't tell him this, I can't. Meh, It's nothing. I'll let it go". But then I look at all the small things I let go and I resent the big picture.
I cried a lot, I was angry and hurt. But with one question I asked him the morning after I wrote page after page in my journal, I realized I was taking it all personally. Yes, he was mad but not at me. He does get moody when he's stressed but it had nothing to do with me. It does suck that I have to put up with that but also, I'm not working full-time + research time + thesis like he is. I haven't been stressed over not having spare time in a long time.
Then we made up (in my head, since most things were in my head to begin with), we had great sex and we went on with our lives. He cheered up, too. I have to practice my assertiveness more often. Other than that, it's all good.
I am going to Santiago tomorrow, I'll come back on thursday night. I have to run some errands regarding my bachelor's degree and the residency. Andrew insisted I went by plane and not by bus and he paid for the ticket. I dislike using his money but also, saving myself 8 hours of uncomfortable traveling and instead traveling for just one, was too tempting to pass up. I appreciate how he currently takes on the burden of some expenses at home. I try to pay my part but without income, I can't keep up with splitting half and half like we used to. He's really cool about it and says he has it all on budget. I hope I can get my residency soon to start getting paid and catch up with my duties.
MY SISTER IS COMING TO VISIT!!! The last days of september. BUT STILL!!! When I went home in february she said there was a congress in Santiago and she'd love to go. I realized I had enough miles to exchange for a plane ticket and I offered the ticket to her. She finally got around to setting the dates for her trip and I triumphantly wiped my account. All she has to pay for is airport taxes!
I finally feel like I'm giving back. My family in general has always looked after me (emotionally and materially. Brother #2 sent me some money a few weeks ago), and my sister in particular was wonderful in february, making sure everything was perfect for my visit with Andrew. She works her ass off to raise Nephew #3 on her own, and is the one that was around the whole time my mom was sick last year (my brothers and I were abroad). She's the one that takes care of my parents the most. She has a lot on her hands and deserves a break.
She'll be here four days, and then will spend a week in Santiago for the congress and sightseeing. I can't wait. I have no idea what my schedule will be like by then, but I hope I can take some time off to show her around.