Winter break, an old friend and a distressing dream.
Monday, 07.29.2013 - 8:48 pm.

Last week
After Andrew came back from Brazil, we set our eyes on enjoying the winter break. We had a week-long break from the university and it was the most wonderful time.

We had errands to run everyday, but there was no rush. We had time to go for coffee, to buy a giant bookcase (which Andrew himself put together), to walk from one place to another holding hands. We slept more than usual and shared delicious meals. He played his online game and I watched movies. These were blissful, happy times.

Also, I got my Chilean ID and I'm a taxpayer now. I'm officially a grown-up here.

This weekend
An old friend from school, Clarissa, moved to Viņa del Mar last year. We go way back from elementary school, Jesus Christ. We weren't very close but we talked here and there and got along really well. We reunited when Andrew and I went to Valparaiso last november. And a few weeks ago, she wrote asking if I still lived in the south and if she could come visit.

Hell, yes! She came in town at 7 am on saturday. Andrew, always the sweetheart, insisted we went to pick her up at the bus station. He went to help our friend Karin in her day-long cat exhibition so it was just Clarissa and me. We had a nice breakfast and spent the whole day walking, sightseeing and shopping (small, southern things, like a wooden tea box, honey, etc.). We covered the whole city in a day. It's a small place.

On sunday, she woke up at noon and we went for lunch to the best sandwich shop ever. We spent the rest of this cold, cloudy day watching movies and drinking apple and chocolate tea (!). Andrew bought her some edible souvenirs and prepared supper for us. She took the 10 pm bus last night to be at her office at 8:30 am today. She made it.

We had the chance to catch up and chat until my throat was sore. Her story isn't that different from mine: she came here following the horrible break-up with her long-time boyfriend. She didn't search for a way out of the country but it came in handy. The guy was a jerk, on and off with her, threatening with breaking up whenever things got tough. When she got fed up and agreed, he inmediately hooked up with somebody else and he's still with her, a TV personality. It was worse because this guy is also well-known, a soccer player, so she got to see in the newspaper how he bragged about having ended a long relationship but was hopeful to finish the year with a new girlfriend. This was the time when he was still calling her after dumping her.

I told her my story, which you know very well. We could relate to each other, it was traumatic for the both of us. We both were in a place when we were thinking about getting married and the gentlemen dumped us for a more exciting woman with whom they did things they wouldn't with us (in the case of her ex, travel together; in the case of mine, get a fucking job).

This brought us closer, I think. We were already enjoying each other's company and rekindling our friendship, but finding out we had gone through a similar heartbreak was an extra mile. She was very happy about me being with Andrew, she loved him and said we had a beautiful relationship. I really hope she finds someone that treats her as right.

But she's not wasting time dwelling on this. She lives on her own and is treating herself to all the travelling she ever wanted (reminds me a little of Valerie). She'll come again in the next months so we can visit some hot springs. She recently bought a ticket to Peru to go by herself and has gone to Argentina and from the deserts to the glaciers in this country. She's doing really well and I'm happy for her.

I had a wonderful weekend with her. We reminisced about school and used Facebook to stalk our former classmates and find out what they're up to now. It's amazing to stop and think how far we've come. Never would have thought.

The dream
Andrew told me we should take a break. I wondered if he meant he wanted a break-up. I panicked and wondered if I should pack my bags and move out, if I should tell my parents. I wondered if the trip we had planned for december was still on. I was scared and hurt but I was hoping it was temporary.

It was an entire narrative, but I remember these details the most. I woke up wanting to cry and instantly realized: that wasn't Andrew, that was Joseph. It was, I think, an alternate universe in which we'd made it as far as Andrew and I have, and he pulled the same damned stunt. I woke up with a crippling sadness, fighting back tears and putting my arm tightly around Andrew while he still slept.

Last night, precisely, I'd thought how much I want to marry him. I suppose I'm in the same emotional place I was in when Joseph kicked me to the curb without warning. Hence the dream. But I told Andrew about it and he's been assuring me all day that he's not going to leave me and that indeed, we should get married already.

There's nothing more comforting than waking up next to him after a distressing dream.

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