Saturday, 11.30.2013 - 3:57 pm.
I woke up this morning at 8:30 am feeling happy. At midnight, as I was going to shut down the computer, my friend Angie sent me a message, "are you there?". We talked on Skype for two hours and a half and it was so wonderful.
I hadn't talked like that with any of my friends in so long, and it was so good for me. A few times she and I have tried to do a videochat but she was always looking after her toddler and she couldn't talk for long. This time her daughter was with her parents so we talked the night away about anything and everything.
She's separating and there's an old flame urging her to do so so they can be together. She's gotten into messy relationships and gotten her heart broken badly many times, but it's nice to see her keeping herself together this time, taking the time to figure out what she wants and what's best for her daughter. She recently got a job so she can support herself and her kid (she had to stay home to raise her so she depended on her husband; the guy is a great dad and a nice man -we spoke a couple of times- but they weren't working out as a couple on a few crucial aspects).
She's a sun, that is all. After all the time I've known her and after all she's been through, her wonderful sense of humor hasn't changed a bit. We laughed so much last night. We mentioned the name Joseph a couple of times, but mostly to look back in horror and wonder what he's doing now that he's approaching his mid-thirties (!). Then we moved on to important matters. And I'm praying I'll see her sometime next year.
Aside from that, everything's great. I've had a good week. It was stressful because I've been doing these interviews but my boss told me yesterday not to do any more and I'm ecstatic. Instead, however, I have to go with her to a university in another city, four hours away by car, next tuesday and wednesday. Well, you win some, you lose some. It's my job and even though she asked if I could/wanted to go, I had no excuse to say no. I'll be applying some questionnaires so it's no big deal. I'll take a deep breath and I'll get over with it quickly.
Last saturday Andrew had one of his moments that drive me insane, when he gets in a bad mood and stops speaking to me for the entire day. I tried not to take it personally because I was sure I hadn't done a damn thing. He went out for some grocery shopping and when he returned he was pouting and kept silent, when the usual is that he starts telling me about whatever he encountered while being outside.
The day went by and I was angry at him for acting like he was mad at me; or for being mad at me and not telling me why. For this I was also pushing him away whenever he came in the room I was in, and in turn he seemed offended by my attitude. I locked myself in the bathroom to cry out of anger. I even thought about cutting myself but it was obvious that I just wanted attention. I will never hurt myself like that again. I wondered if I should say something, I was keeping everything inside and it didn't feel healthy. But he seemed impossible to talk to at the moment.
That night we had a birthday party to attend. We were picked up by a friend and we went in the backseat. There he held my hand and as the night progressed, he seemed more relaxed. This hasn't happened more than a couple of times in our relationship but I think he and I have this unspoken agreement of not appearing mad at each other in front of friends, let alone snap at the other, to avoid public discomfort and awkwardness. So obviously I held his hand and followed his lead. We pretty much faked it 'til we made it and we were ok by the end of the night.
When we returned home, went to bed and woke up the next day, I thought about bringing this up though. What had happened and stuff, I need to talk these things out. But I was afraid he'd get all defensive and I'd get rude. I tried to downplay it, I supposed he would have told me if it had something to do with me. Then he got out of bed on his side, walked around it to my side and asked sweetly what I wanted for breakfast. In that moment, I felt he knew he'd been hard on me the day before and I decided it was best to let go.
We had a wonderful sunday. And the whole week after that was great. Seeing him in a good mood helped me to be less stressed. I know his moods. Here and there he says he's moody and doesn't know why. I don't take it personally and give him space, but sometimes it gets out of hand and feels like it's got something to do with me. I guess it bothers me when it seems he can't control his feelings but hey, I'm the same: when I'm feeling mad, I want to validate that more than control it. Luckily, for him and for me, this doesn't last long. If I don't pay much attention when he gets like that (I did pay attention last week), I walk away from it without a scratch in my feelings.
Andrew is at his grandfather's house for the weekend, taking care of him and putting up the christmas tree and doing minor repairings. Such a heart of gold that he has. I'll see him tomorrow. Me, I'm taking this day to write, in this blog and that blog and in here. And to watch Netflix and just take it easy like my cats do every day of their lives.
And so, one more month before the year ends, eh. Unbelievable.
prev / next