Wednesday, 10/09/02 - 6:11 pm.
I went to a nearby "river" (what's left of it) with Rod, Mars and Norm. We walked around the neighborhood taking pictures of it for a report. Aw, it was nice.
Hi, I failed math. But then again, only 13 out of 110 passed it, so I'm really not that special. The exam will be repeated this friday. Coolness.
Not.
I have a new camera, but I doubt I'm using it the right way. Oh, joy, I'm wasting film.
Today, at times, I felt like mutilating myself. But mostly, I laughed a lot. Like the first months of senior high. Everybody jokes and makes me crack up. Clapping, laughing, SSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!'s...you hear everything in room D.
And you get to see a lot of things, too. Like today, when all of the boys in my classroom chose a target, surrounded him and felt him up. That's how their friendship works. Spanking, pretending to be horny homosexuals. Good stuff, really. It's very cute.
I hate it when Denv walks on by, like I'm not there. That happened once today, and I almost break down. I almost cut myself. Today in particular was like back in the day, when I was a 24/7 loner. I spent alone two of three recesses, I had lunch all by myself, waiting for someone to notice me....I was and I wasn't glad. I kind of missed spending time with myself at school. Not entirely...but there you go.
Elsy saved me from cutting myself. She came and sat next to me on the floor. At first I wanted her to leave, but then I was glad she showed up. Then Pablo (he made some references to our brotherhood) showed up. I love being with those two. They should get married.
Before that, though, I talked to Denver. Kind of. You see, I was on my way to the hallway, with my lunch in my hand, and he came by...
- Him: Hey, what did you get?
- Me: huh? what did I get from what?
- Him: the ass quiz...
- Me: Oh, yeah, the quiz....I have a nice one...you?
- Him: Mine is submissive.
I smiled, turned around and left. Now that I think about it, I finally was the one to take off, to walk away.
It was very casual. I didn't feel anything special after talking to him. I sat by myself and started eating. It took me ten minutes to realize whom I had talked with and what had happened. But that's because I get lost in other thoughts and change topic every two sentences. But always I end up getting back to what I feel it's bothering me at the time.
So after 15 minutes (5 more minutes of random thoughts), I was done thinking about him: yes, he talked to me. He talked about a link I e-mailed. Therefore, he's gotten my e-mails. His afternoon classes were put off, yet he was on his way down to the cafeteria, carrying his toothbrush in its case, which means he'd at least have lunch there. And last but no least...he was with the girl. The same girl.
Joy.
Not.
I was sick of school today. Maybe it was because of yesterday's UCA experience, but I wanted to get out of that place already.
I have to go, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation will be on soon.
I keep thinking of him (see, I keep coming back to the main topic after getting lost in something else). It's weird. How come I'm unaffected when I talk to him? it's like I have slow emotional reflects or something...I only love him when I don't see him.
- Voice: has it ocurred to you that maybe you're fighting for something you really don't want?
- Me: Huh.
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