Saturday, 09.20.2014 - 6:54 pm.
I got a bachelorette party on wednesday night. I didn't need one and I thought I wouldn't get one. But then came the female friends I've made here, six of them (two couldn't make it though) and it was a great, amazing gesture.
It was a well-kept surprise and the party wasn't a party per se, if you're thinking penises and strippers. There were kinky balloons (haha) but it was just getting together to eat and chat while wearing funny accesories. One of my friends, Andrew's best friend from undergrad school, made a playlist consisting of Aerosmith, The Beatles and The White Stripes, and the whole thing was just so perfectly made for me. I couldn't tell them how grateful I was, I really appreciated it all.
November is fast approaching and I'm starting to think that a wedding is happening. I mean, my, our wedding. We have the basic structure laid out but I'm afraid more and more details will surface as the event approaches. Still, there's not a lot to fret about. We just want a nice lunch with friends and family. I don't want to lose my head over anything and turning to Andrew and seeing him so calm helps a lot. I think it's more stressful when you have something to prove. We know we're boring. We're not offering dancing but here, have a huge-ass meal, cake and cupcakes with the shape and color of one of our two cats instead.
This week has been relaxed, it was Independence Day on thursday and here people just take the whole week off; me, I cancelled class on tuesday with my students (err, I mean, we had an activity online) and it went on from there. It's a long country so most people have to travel somewhere else to be with family and want to squeeze in as much time as possible. I've worked on some things these days but truly it's been like a weekend over and over and my state of mind goes accordingly. My body has this politics of enjoying days off, overpowering my Super Ego (freudian-ly speaking).
I was going to come and write in here yesterday, regarding a fight I was having with Andrew...in my head. It relates to my pain when we're having sex, which, seems to me, has gotten worse. I woke up this morning and the muscles from the back of my legs and buttocks hurt, that kind of thing. Anyway, his reaction to it put me off. I asked, some time later, what was wrong and he said he was mad but didn't know why. I think he knew, or at least I did. I know it's frustrating for him, too. And I have to make quite the effort to not burst out in tears while we're at it, that would just make it worse.
I took to my paper journal, I cried a little over it. Literally. It helped me pour out the emotion. I didn't gain a new perspective but I didn't need it. I did realize it was probably for the best that I didn't bring up the topic. He can't do much to help me on this one so I have to be a trooper until I get help. I have a few therapists written down but I'll make the contact until after the wedding, i.e. when I'm done paying vendors.
Other than that, I'm looking forward. Just forward. I mean, enjoying the present but preparing for what's coming. I can't wait to have my parents over, have them see the way I live, take care of them and make them have a good time. I'm excited about it all.