Sunday, 04.30.2017 - 10:33 am.
April appeared to be a long way ahead when it began, but the Easter Break made it seem much shorter. And here's another long weekend, (though it's thanks to the first of May), in which I'll probably work from home, but I love having legitimate time to do the things I enjoy.
This one doesn't feel like a long weekend for me, though, because Andrew, my nephew and I took a day trip to Oxford yesterday, Saturday. We walked around all day and that sounds like a lot of work and it is. But it was a great trip! I can never contain my smile when we're traveling. I wish we could do that more often but at least we get the chance here and there. We also spent more money than we should have, but Andrew is a Tolkien fan and wanted to hang out at the pub where he used to hang out; and I like Alice in Wonderland AND I'm always looking for tiny gifts for family and friends, so there you go. Those expenses are nothing we'll regret.
In other news, I'm trying to pick myself up off the ground and get myself together, and learn to stand tough. Sorry, that's an Aerosmith* song. But that's what I'm doing in my PhD, summing up all my might to get into recruiting participants again.
(*14th June is fast approaching! It's the day I'll meet Steven Tyler and Joe Perry in Dublin, if circumstances don't get in the way. I try not to think much about that, and lately I avoid calling them "my heroes" or whatever else. They're people. They're cool, talented people. I hope to thank them and show them my tattoo, get a nice photo, hopefully an autograph and a hug, and I'll get on with my life. I would like to get much more excited than that, as I think this event calls for euphoria, but I don't wanna lose my mind nor make myself look like a fool in front of them. I'm afraid it'll be over as soon as it starts.)
Related to academic life, the course I was attending with T has come to an end. We were supposed to have one or two more classes but, regardless of why he says we won't, I think he just wasn't feeling like it so he'll only do one-on-one sessions for the essays. I'm not writing the essay, thank the Lord for that; it's a lot of time and a lot of pressure. I already made peace with the fact that I was a wreck throughout that course and said, and once wrote, very stupid things in front of this man. That's my argument for what I say in the parenthesis above, by the way. I'll just drop him a line thanking him for letting me join the discussion as, embarrassment aside, it was very useful for me. Then I'll move on.
I have to write next week's column for the Latin-American London newspaper. Saying that boosts my self-esteem though it's not big deal. I don't think a lot of people care for it. I may, however, be moving on up, because the editor now has transferred me to other two editors in charge, so I'll communicate with them instead of with him. I took it like I've passed the test, writing 10 columns so far which have been decent and submitted on time, so I deserve getting into the regular assembly line like the rest of the contributors. Maybe, I don't know.
I've wanting to write about learning I was bisexual, using one of my cartoon characters (the one who is actually helping me explore that, as he is bi himself, and also, has a life of his own like the rest of his colleagues). I keep pushing that topic back. I guess it's too personal, even though I'll write with ambiguity, not telling but showing for others to make their own inferences.
On that note, this week I wrote something very personal on my blog and erased it a few minutes later. It was nothing I haven't said in here regarding my insecurities and my inferiority in academia and literature, plus the fact that I cannot be openly bi online because my dad reads some of my stuff. I know someone who is following my blog by e-mail (lots of users do, I could brag, but most are robot users or people who don't even speak Spanish so they're just looking for a followback), so at least one person read the original version; she even asked me about it. I don't mind that anyone read it, really, I already had in mind that anyone could read it so I wrote it, again, with ambiguity, although you could easily infer I felt like crap. But still, it may not be a good idea to show such vulnerability. Furthermore, no one cares.
I hate that I live bound by the phrase "Do not publish anything that you wouldn't like your father to read", but at the same time, it's a pretty good rule of thumb for posting content online.
Yet here I am in this diary *hugs it*.