Thursday, 10/24/02 - 5:36 pm.
Today it was the last time of my life I had afternoon high school classes. This is never going to happen again.
But I haven't cried because it's over. And I'm certainly not smiling because it's happening. I'm just bleeding because I'm angry.
I cut myself last night, and I had to wear a bandage around my arm. How funny. People ask me what happened, some believe me, some don't. I don't care.
I had a lot of anger today. I'm trying to think I don't want Denver anymore, or at least that I already understood everything's over. Forget it, he'll never get me, he'll never help me. I don't want his fuckin' pity.
Agressivity is good, according to Geovanni. Until it hurts, until it turns into violence. But you need agressivity to succeed in life. Ok?
Ok.
My only problem with self-mutilation is that my family may notice. And I don't want that. But I need to cut myself to release part of my anger, I'm just so fuckin' mad.
SO FUCKIN' MAD!!!!!!
And I'm not sure why.
Fidel took me out of classes to drink coffee this morning. It's the last time I do it. It seems everything it's becoming "the last time" I do something.
It's like I'm gonna die.