Wednesday, 10/30/02 - 1:40 pm.
The PAES was ok. Kind of difficult, and terribly long. But I'm hoping I'll get a decent grade.
We were supposed to show up at 7:00 am, and it started at 8 o'clock. I arrived at 6:40, and got to spend time with some of my friends. Specially with Carmen and Roberto. I was carrying my mom's phone and at a certain moment, I was talking to Denver, and he started to play with it. When I asked him what he was doing, he showed me the screen, and it was written: GRRR... and his cell phone number below. I melted inside, but outside I only smiled and told him my mom would be surprised to find such contact in her directory.
But beside our little moment together, he was very indifferent. He looked a bit distracted also, he said he was only sleepy. I realized I still love him so much. In a hopeless sort of way, I know it's useless.
Last night I received a phone call from the guy. The guy, it's been really long since I talked to him. Like I cared...
I knew it. I knew he doesn't love her girlfriend. No, he didn't tell me that, but he can give her all the roses he wants for their anniversary, I can see he's not in love. I asked him what's up? and he answered not much...just trying to be faithful...which is really, really hard....
Oh, but of couse...he still wants me. How nice. I understand he wants to get some but I find it pretty shameless, now that he's dating someone. I didn't do it with him when he was single, I won't do it now. I'm really not mad at him, I get the feeling that these two kids are together for shallow reasons.
Either way, I'm not doing anything, as always. I'm good without him. I laughed when I hung up, I even find it kind of flattering that he still thinks of me (even if it's for his own pleasure). Stupid, but flattering.
Well...should I call Denver? Yes?
Yes?
.....
It'd be cool. Would it?
Would it?
...
Hi, I'm tired. I haven't cut myself since yesterday. I told my friend Mikey about it (he's going through some major depression too, so we talk a lot and comfort each other) and he congratulated me and said he was very, very happy. Cel was very happy, too. I feel a bit healthier and less sad than these past days.
I'll go rest for a while. I have yet to study for exams. I have exams until next thursday...school is over.