Wednesday, 10/30/02 - 8:39 pm.
Well, yeah...I'm still mad.
I'm so mad for losing him. I'm jealous of all his friends who get to be there for him, to whom he lets in.
I'm pissed at that girl, for cuddling with him, but also because she cuddled with his best friend first, and now she's making my best friend's boyfriend cheat on her. Bitch.
I'm pissed off, he never comes online. And when does come on, we don't talk a lot. And I always wish he'd walk up to me. But when he does, he's indifferent, I'm just another warm body.
I wish I could cut myself. But I promised I wouldn't do it. And I'm sticking to my promise.
I'm mad at everything. And now that I can't self-mutilate, I'm down this deep hole again. And sometimes I lack of strenght to even try to get out of it.
I don't want to love anymore. I want to curl up in my bed and have someone walking in my bedroom, to save me from this.
One day, maybe one day, these rivers of pain will turn into a sea of blood.