Friday, 11/01/02 - 2:45 pm.
I finished Denver's present last night, and I loved it. Besides the CD, with all kinds of decorations, I added a little black bottle with tiny, beautiful beach stones inside (I know, what's up with giving stones as a birthday present?...but hey, I mixed a small toy among the colorful stones, a little blue star with a smiling face), a small birthday card and a short letter. I wrapped it up in some weird soft purple fabric-like paper. I couldn't wait to give it to him. Cel said she'd die if she received something like that, because it's basically a gift made out of details.
I was thinking what time should I give it to him. He's always late for school, so I supposed I should give it to him on one recess.
BUT...
I was talking to Betty, in my classroom, before the science exam started, and suddenly Norman, who was behind me, calls me and asks me a question (about the exam). When I turn around to answer him SURPRISE he's there, too. I have no idea when he walked in the classroom. But something (a wise, silent voice) told me I should give it to him right then.
So when he was leaving my classroom, I told him I had something for him. I gave him the present and...well, things happened quickly, but in seconds I told him to wait for his birthday to open it, he answered don't think I will, I said happy birthday, he sort of hugged me and then left.
I felt (I feel) like I got a huge weight off my back. And I was happy about it. And I was sure I'd have the emotional energy to go through the day, no matter what.
But before the exam started, the principal walked in and said we had to leave school after we finished. Which makes sense, there's nothing else for us to be taught (academically speaking) in high school. And I thought it was unbelievable the way things worked out, because if he hadn't been in the classroom early in the morning, and if I had decided to give him the present on any recess, I wouldn't have given it to him today. Oh, God, thank You.
With the tradition of us, room D people, being the bastards of the ESJ Class of 2002, we had to stay after the science exam, because we had another one on the third period (at 8:45 am). Meanwhile, room A went home, room B had a picnic with Charlie (the science teacher...he's famous for making students have picnics) and room C...well, they had the same exam (computer science), after us, but at least then they were celebrating with Geovanni.
Write this down for History: Room D, from the ESJ Class of 2002, was always the loser, the bastard. And damn proud of it.
But it's a good thing I was home earlier, the red dot of the month arrived. So I got to rest. It's different to feel like crap in a classroom than in your bed.
Now all that's left of school is the period exams (next week, from monday to thursday).
Do you know what's pathetic in me? I like Power Rangers: wild force.
For Denver's letter, I told him about...
(...my heart just stopped. The computer just froze. Shit, I lost this entry. But it unfroze 2 seconds later...how nice.)
...I said I told him...well, something like this:
I'm sorry for not being a good friend to you. But at least you have people who are, yes? (yes!). But please try not to smash some people's fingers when you close your door in their face.
Oscar Wilde says that "discontent is the first step in a man's progress". You don't seem quite a happy person to me, so I hope that, if you're unhappy, you'll be able to get some balls out of your shitty situation in order to fight for what you stand for.
I can't remember how I finished, but I wished him the world.
To infinity and beyond,
*Insert yours truly's signature here*
And below it, a drop of my blood. Yes, I had to cut myself again. I didn't tell anyone about breaking my promise. But I suppose Cel and Vic would understand. I had to do it. He was the one who pushed me to the abyss of self-mutilation, after me wandering on the edge of it for years. I had to do it. And have in mind that's all he'll have to remember me. That was like my farewell to him, because I'm sure this friendship will die. Since he left me out, it's been in agony.
By the way, besides my blood, I posted a sticker of Gizmo. Cutie.
Well...I have to study for my finals. And maybe sleep this female pain off.