I rule.
Monday, 10/22/01 - 8:51 p.m..

I'm a body ruled by a soul.

I judged another day before it had started, yet again. Fuck, it's getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning.

We had our math exam today...I think I did good. I hope I did. We also had a social studies pop quiz...but social studies...no comments...ok, just one: I rule.

So I ask to myself "self (and everyone inside), what's up today?". Uh, nothing. I just happen to rule.

I'm having a high-self-esteem stroke. It feels so fuckin' good. Not that I have a reason to be happy, though.

Carmen pretty much avoided me today. Oh, I get it, she....uh, no, I don't get it. Maybe it's just time for her payback (remember I avoided her for some time? I know, you probably don't). Maybe she just wants to be alone...who knows. The thing is we weren't together today. Yay me, anyway. I rule. As for Veronica...she's a shameless person with a fuckin' shameless, hypocrite and inmature attitude. She ignored me, even thought she knew I was close to her. Fuck you, Veronica. We did find each other and she hugged me and kissed me.....what'd be the word....um, "yuck". Then Norman called me and said that I had to go back to the classroom (we were on recess) to give my social studies notebook to the teacher to check it. I ran back into the classroom. I left her hanging, so to speak. I noticed that until I was in the classroom..... But fuck, why should I care? she does that to me all the time.

I just called the guy. Did I tell him?..............uh, no. I just asked him how he did with the math exam. He's not sure. Then we hung up. He, uh....nothing. Our converstaion barely lasted one minute. Damn me. But you know what? today I didn't feel bad although I thought several times that he's used me and hurt me. I feel I don't give a fuck about it. Maybe...maybe I'm really in love with him. I see him and...I don't know. It's like I forget everything, or get over that horrible feeling. I don't even know how to tell him. Well, for now I don't have such an urge to tell him. I just felt like calling him, it's like a duty. I wouldn't be in peace until I dialed and heard his voice and he heard mine. It's o fuckin' stupid and simple. I'll forget about him and all of the problems our relationship brings me for now. I just rule.

If I could ease this pain,
'cause I know that it hurts
some things never change
there's no choice but breaking these chains
.
I have no idea of who wrote it but Steven and Joe perform it on "A Hip-Hopera".

I rule. Why? Because I rock.

I have many assignments to get done before friday. And then...big time!!! exams week!!! Then...big time!!! Final exams week...featuring me going on saturday to school to take one or two exams. Yeah, that does suck, but anyway...three more weeks of school. It's freaking me out in more than one way. After all, I'll miss being there.

Did I mention that I spent most of the day alone? Sitting in the hallway, in front of the gardens between my hallway and the lab/library one? Well, I did. I felt alone. There were so many people in that hallway with me, but no one noticed me...I felt bad, really sad and completely alone. That's why I feel stupid feeling so happy right now. I shouldn't be happy. I have no reason to be happy. But I'm feeling positive, because I don't see anything to be sad about either. There are days when you're naturally cheerful. I'm lucky enough to have woken up with that personality today. So, at least for the moment, I'll just go with the flow....I still rule.

Quoth the man: I got only one thing to say..............YAKAKAKAKAKOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

prev / next