Of dreamed heartbeats, one third of Harry Potter and fulfilling empty e-mails.
Saturday, 11/16/02 - 2:42 pm.

This morning I woke up to a heartache I'd never felt before.

I had a long dream. It seems I was dreaming of a normal day in high school. I mean...the entire morning. But I'm gonna save the details.

Of course, he was in it. We were taken to the swimming pool, and I was talking to Norman and he approached and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. But as the morning went on, he was becoming more and more distant. It was like analizing my entire relationship with him.

I don't know if it was part of my dream or real, I was half asleep...the thing is, I put my hand on my chest, on my heart. And it had a strange beating. Like it was coming out. And then I felt that heartache...my heart hurt (not the physical one, of course). Not as if it had been broken, ripped or torn...more like it was punched. I got scared with the strong beat. It was like in the cartoons, where you can see the heart popping out.

I'm doing my best, I guess. It still hurts giving up, but I don't cut myself nor cry over it anymore. I just have some feeling that makes me not want to get out of bed.

I still haven't found something to deny the old saying: what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Damn it.

You know what sucks? That I have nothing else to talk about but him. It's hard to have uneventful days like today.

*Simeon dances the Hokey-Pokey ("Elmo's World" version...because we love Elmo and Sesame Street, ok?)*

Thank you, Simeon.

Maybe I'm just another victim of the media, but I really want to see Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets. Back in my day (aw, I feel old), I wasn't thrilled with such charachter. Almost a year later, I still am not. But hey, I want to see it. And maybe read the books. One must fulfill one's craving for new horizons.

Eh.

Well, so here I am. I have an entire unproductive afternoon ahead, and wounds to heal. I'm wondering if some will ever disappear, it doesn't look like it. There's always a little scar. I still have the scar of my blood pact with my brother Vic. It's not big deal, but if I look closely, I can tell this is where our brotherhood happened. I have a scar, one of the latest, on top of my arm. The flesh is open. Now it's healing, but the first days, I could've stuck my finger in and touch a muscle.

But like I said, I don't cut myself anymore. For now, I'll let them heal. I'll pick up my promise just from where I left it.

By the way, this morning I signed into the MSN messenger (I should start thinking of a shorter name to refer to it) and I had three unread e-mails. That's weird, I seldom receive e-mails, and when I do, it's just one. I hate it when porn sites send you their shit. Dammit, leave animals alone. I hope they get their genitals eaten by the Ness monster one day.

So anyway...I was surprised to see I had three e-mails. All from the same person. Him.

I read the first one (it was the second on the list, but it said read this one first!...duh). I opened it and it says:

Hi. The e-mail below this one is something I felt like writing. It's only directed to you guys (FYI, Norman and me) because you're the only ones I really trust.

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!

Err, no. Of course I didn't say "OMG". I said: Oh, my God. Please note the difference. Oh, my God, I can't believe it...thank You, God. And then I said "shit". And "fuck", mixed with other words. And also...you really don't need to know, do you?

I felt different. Special. Special to him. And most important...he trusts me.

I opened the two e-mails but none of them contained a message inside. So much for this surprise.

Hi, dude.
Thanks for trusting in yours truly. Flintstone Airlines would like to thank you your preference, and once again we guarantee your data is confidential.
However pal, your e-mail had no message inside. I've heard the Chain E-Mail Elves have been striking lately.
Love in massive quantities,
[*$|:-]

(yes, that's how I write e-mails in real life, leave me alone.)

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