My inspiring cousin and the cute, lame friend I love.
Tuesday, 11/26/02 - 01:53 pm.

This morning my cousin Mario came over and brought me a graduation present. It's a hugeass backpack. For your travelling. I want you to wear it out, he said.

With a backpack like that one, all I want to do is pack up a couple of things and get away. Travel. Around, anywhere, everywhere.

I remember the day I was with him at the mall in Houston, and I saw how it took him a few minutes to make an impact in the life of a sweet old lady he didn't even know.

So today he stayed for some time and told me what he's up to. He got accepted in college (in Houston) and is leaving in january. He took diving classes, and he explained me all the techniques he needed to learn (about atmospheres, pressure, animals, darkness...) and how rewarding it is to be down there.

He definitely inspires me to live.

It's kind of stupid how we barely see each other, when he lives on the same block, behind my house. If there's something I'd like to change in my life, that's my relationship with him, I'd try to be closer to him. Maybe I'd be a bit more of an adventurer and more of a risk-taker...and more independent. I'd use my knowledge to learn more, like he does.

He told me a story from my childhood I didn't even know. When my grandfather was alive (I was still a baby), he taught me to say fuck. He'd go: what does little girl say? and I'd say: fuck, and they both (my grandpa and my cousin) would crack up. Until my sister told me to stop saying that because frogs would come out of my mouth everytime I'd say fuck.

***

Yesterday's test was kind of desperating. It was about logical, mechanical stuff. I didn't see the "psychological" side of it at all.

I did see Denver, twice. Before the test started, he came up to say hi to Veronica and me. He hugged me and kept hugging me, even when I had loosen my arms on his back. We had a little chat and then he just stayed around, talking to other people. He had arrived with the girl, but I didn't pay attention ot that fact.

It's funny, but Veronica and Cel hate her. Veronica says -and it's true- that she's trying to seduce him and Norman. Cel hates her because she was having an affair with Art.

I don't hate her, but I kind of wish she didn't exist.

And after the test, I was with Cel and Veronica. I was going to give them a ride home (well, ok, my dad was). My best friends (well, actually, they are...) and they don't get along too well. I mean, they're not close, that's all. But they like each other.

In words of Joe Perry: they like each other just enough.

I was thinking of going to the cafeteria while we were waiting for my dad to pick us up. Maybe he'd be there. I was dying to go look for him (maybe he hasn't left yet). But no, I kept myself from it. I decided I should just go on with my life.

My high school friend and colleague-to-be, Victor (Cheet) had just left, and there we were, the three of us, Veronica, Cel and me.

They approached and said hi-goodbye to the three of us. Well, mostly to the two of them. Denver said to the girl that they should take off and she said ok, and said goodbye to me, as he said goodbye to Cel and Vero. She was already walking away when he came up to me and instead of kissing me on the cheek goodbye like he did to them, he hugged me...for a long time. We even had a dumb, quick conversation about a cool Eclipse car I was seeing from where I was.

That's kind of usual when we're hugging each other: we have small conversations. That's one of the little things I love from him.

It wasn't until when I came home that it hit me: he was with the girl. They arrived together, they took off together. And that's not the point, the point is: by the way things looked, they had already planned on doing it. And if they made the plan, it's because they have means to talk and make plans, now that they're out of school. And if she's trying to seduce him....sooner or later he may fall for her. What if they end up dating?

I'll put up with it. I'll get used to the idea. I'll wish them the best, although at first it'll be an unbereable, burning harm and even jealousy, and I'll know she doesn't really love him.

I'll be fine. Really.

***

Have you ever handled $190 while you're putting up with your broken heart? that has to be one of the most bizarre things for human emotions. And it really shows you what a vain, frivolous thing money is. I almost rip off a $20 bill, part of my savings at home.

But I'm fine. Really.

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