Wednesday, 01/22/03 - 8:11 pm.
I bought some chocolate milk today at the UCA. I love chocolate milk. This time in particular, it tasted unbelievably good.
Chocolate milk is good.
I'm a little worried right now. About her. I got an e-mail from a friend of hers, asking me if I had a password for her other diary (I don't). She's nowhere to be found, and she'd said she'd kill herself today *sigh*
Well, things have been...calm, lately. Two nights ago there was a quake here, 5.7 richter, or so they say. Last night, it was in Mexico, 7.6, or so they say. I thought about Nobody's Fault and my story behind the song.
Last night, while I was thinking about that, I was talking to Victor. Damn, you have to listen to "Nobody's Fault" before the world ends...and then, it dawned on me: hey, what do you say if I lend you the CD [Rocks]? He got all excited and said "please!". There you go.
I'm talking to Carmen on the MSN messenger right now. As usual, her self-compassion drips all over. By the way, she forgot my birthday....HAHAHAHAHA, the bitch. Just kidding. That's ok, I'm not mad at her at all. Let's be fair, she is in some trouble, because her mom got fired and now she's depressed. She's very busy dealing with some shit.
Speaking of MSN conversations, last night something happened, that left me feeling...good and bad.
I was talking to D, and he told me he'd gone to the ESJ with Norman, et al to have lunch there. I thought it was cool that at least he told me. You know, because....it was cool for me, ok?
- Him: So we went to the ESJ, to have lunch there, just like the old times. The burger was really good.
- Him: Well, I have to go.
Love you.
- Me: Take care.
- Him: I feel like a fool.
- Me: must've been the burger.
Blah, blah, blah, bye.
Yes, I noticed the "love you" part. But I didn't get excited. I didn't lose my mind, I didn't smile. It hit me, I can't deny it.
Because then he said "I feel like a fool". Obviously embarrased by what he'd just said. I didn't say "love you" back. I couldn't. I. Didn't. Feel. Like.
I didn't believe him. The first thing that came to my mind was the last time he ignored me. That alone makes me cry. Plus, he didn't bother calling me up for my birthday, he never let me know what he thought of my birthday and christmas presents, he didn't even let me congratulate him the day of our graduation....do I have to go on?
I think you get the point.
It was just the burger.
It helped me fall asleep faster though, because I pretended he meant it. Anyway, it'd been so long since he said: "I love you"...I really needed that. I just pretended.
Well, I'll keep on talking to Carmen. At least her stories are rather entertaining.
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