Cheap relationships: The guy (check), D (*almost* check).....NEXT!
Saturday, 03/22/03 - 5:32 pm.

This day in music history:
40 years ago, EMI-Parlophone releases the Beatles' first album, "Please Please Me" in the U.K. In just three weeks, it's Number One on the British charts. (1963)

34 years ago, two days after they are married in a private ceremony in Gibraltar, John Lennon and Yoko Ono begin their first "bed-in for peace" in the presidential suite of the Amsterdam Hilton. (1969)

I'm still against war, and will always be. Don't say a thing about Saddam, I know he's not the greatest person in the world...it's not about him, it's about the civilians...he can defend himself very well, they can't. And that's WHY I'm against war. But since the harm is already done, I just hope they're through with it by tonight (they won't, will they? But one can only have hope).

The guy called me last night. He said he misses the "things" we had, and asked me to meet up at the UCA cafeteria today, because he wanted to see me. He goes to the UCA on saturdays, and I had to go this saturday. He said he'd sneak out of class, but I told him it wasn't necessary. We didn't meet up. And anyway, I don't trust him at all. He'd probably have stood me up.

At times I'm disgusted by the thought of having physical contact with him again. At times I'd like to. He says "there are guys who'd love to date you". I laughed at him...but inside I wondered if he included himself. Just out of curiosity. I'm not sure I'd like to date him....no wait, I am: I don't want to. I just don't like him anymore. Sometimes I do, but I'm not the kind of person who wants a relationship for fun, which is what it'd be based on, given I'm only "attracted" to him. Yes, I'm such a boring piece of crap.

And besides I don't want a no-attachments relationship (I'm not afraid of commitment), and besides I don't trust him at all, I'd feel too pressured to "do" it with him. Either on the phone or "live"...I wouldn't do it, of course, but just thinking "oh, I'm his girlfriend, I should do it" it's kind of annoying.

It's funny. I *think* I was in love with him, but maybe it was just the hormones. I lived in hormonal denial for a year, thinking I was in love with him (was I?) before someone got me out of it: Denver. So first the guy breaks my heart (he did, you know...using me like he did -I know I'm partly to blame on this one, but let's discuss that other day, if we hadn't already-), and a year later, D does, although it seemed he was saving me. If this is a pattern, it's just 6 months left for me to get over D, by finding another guy who'll eventually break my heart and pass me by like I'm just a casual acquaintance, like the other two did (do).

Joy.

I saw a movie today (at the UCA), called "fire". Two girls from India were rejected by their husbands (the girls were sisters in law). One couldn't have children, and since his husband thought sex was just for reproduction, they hadn't had sex for 13 years...and the other girl's husband married her just because he had to, and he was having an affair with another girl, a chinese one. Anyway, both women ended up becoming lesbians and running away together.

See what happens when a boy breaks a girl's heart and makes her feel worthless? So if I ever tell you about me getting a girlfriend, congratulate me.

....no, wait. Don't. Girls are as annoying as boys.

As for me, it all comes down to just getting a dog.

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