Second guessing.
Thursday, 04/03/03 - 1:30 pm.

This day in Aero/Beatle history:
30 years ago, to combat the multitude of Beatle bootlegs, the group's label, Capitol, issues "The Beatles /1962-1966" and "The Beatles 1967-1970," both record greatest hits package. The packages make #3 and Number One on the album chart (1973).

1975, Aerosmith releases 'Toys in the Attic', including the hit singles "Sweet Emotion" (#36) and "Walk This Way" (#10).

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MARRIAGE, LIV!!!

Hi, my bad mood is coming back. Now that the weather has changed and it's so goddamn hot again, I get easily angry/sad. That happened to me last night, as I had to be alone for an hour at the UCA, and I had a lot of time to think. I'm such an outcast there, but I don't want to talk about it, thanks.

Damn war.

- Cel: damn, I feel he misses you, and at the same time he thinks he screwed it all up with you and now is afraid to talk to you or something.
- Cel: damn, sometimes I'd like to get the two of you together. Like in the movies.
- Cel: for you to talk, that is....but...I don't know. It could backfire. I don't want you to get hurt.
- Me: eh, the harm is done. Either way, if he gets out of the embarrassment of "screwing up", IN CASE that's what it is...
- Cel: he may get out of it
- Cel: if he misses you enough.
- Me: That's the problem, he doesn't miss me enough.
- Cel: damn, who knows.
- Cel: to tell you the truth, I didn't think he'd come up with such thing
- Cel: he's so cold
- Cel: and then, out of the blue, he comes up with something sweet and it has to do with you.

I really don't know what to think. That's only her opinion. I mean, very valuable, but it's her perception of the things. What if things aren't that way? I've come a long way trying to get over him, and now that I feel I'm almost at the end of the tunnel, she mentions this, and I second guess myself again, in many, many ways. And it scares me.

I've tried to be a good casual acquaintaince to him. Text-messaging him here and there, to say incoherent things, like I did last night: "I saw a Beatle today. Beatle Ed" (has it happened to you that you hear a phrase or a word and it gets stuck on your mind like a song?...that's what happened to me with "Beatle Ed"...because, you know...George is always so cute).

FROM: *D*
DATE: Wednesday, april 2nd, 2003 11:00 p.m.
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: (none)

WILL YOU EVER SEE BEATLE ED AGAIN?

...It's the first e-mail I've gotten from him since...november? I'm not sure if each and every thing humans say, as insignificant it is, is supposed to mean something.

I mean, Freud says so.

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