I believe it's called failure.
Monday, 04/07/03 - 12:52 pm.

This day in Beatle/Aero history:
1970 - No. 1 Billboard Pop Hit: "Let It Be," The Beatles. The song enters the Hot 100 at No. 6, higher than any previous entry on Billboard's pop singles chart.

1979 - years ago The two-day California Music Festival at the L.A. Memorial Coliseum opens. 110,000 people pour in and makes $1.2 million. The promoters claim it's a finacial loss though performers like Aerosmith, the Bootown Rats, Cheap Trick, Ted Nugent and Van Halen make appearances.

Well, I've finally accessed my aerosmith.mu account. Junk mail. Lots of. But at least I have it back. I didn't want to get another e-mail address. Again.

I took my driving exam this morning. My eyes are in perfect conditions, I got 9.50 (out of 10) in theory and...I failed the practice. I failed, simple as that.

I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't want to take the exam again, I'm really dissapointed. I will, of course, but I don't feel like. One can't go around driving a car without a license, but I need to drive, to practice to pass the exam to get the license. Oh, for Christ's sake.

Words fail me to describe how dissapointed and frustrated I am. I feel very stupid, but somehow, I saw it coming. I wasn't ready. My parents have to be mentioning the incident often, asking if I'd like to take the exam in a different car (I took it in my dad's), or if I'd like to take ANOTHER course (no-fuckin'-way) and whatnot. I'd love for them to shut up for a while. I don't want to talk about it anymore, not now.

I talked to D last night. It was alright. The topics weren't deep and the conversation wasn't long. But I talked to him, which was painfully relieving. He's still the same bitter, cold boy, but it wasn't so bad: he was the first to say hello, and when we ran out of greetings ("hi", "hi", "how are you?" "good, how are you?", "good") he said "tell me something...anything". It's kind of nice. You know, to pretend he cares.

I've been scared and nervous, like I don't remember being before (although I must have) twice in less than 24 hours. Last night, I was scared to talk to D. I was scared to get hurt, to feel what I always feel from him: nothing. And this morning, I was shaking and had cold, sweaty palms when I was leaving home for the exam.

I feel all worn out and I'd like to stay home today, I know what the rest of the day will be like. Stupid UCA classes, dumb UCA classmates.

But hey, I'm meeting her at the UCA at 4. Now that's something to look forward to. She's also going to lend me Ringo's movie, "the Caveman", out of the goodness of her heart. That's gonna be nice.

I don't know exactly how to finish this entry.

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