Friday, 04/18/03 - 2:04 pm.
I still feel like crap, but I think it's not a cold...it's more of an inffection, my mom says. Whatever it is, it dragged me to bed earlier than usual, and had me fasting for 24 hours. Eh, it's not like I was hungry, anyway. I feel a little better now, though.
Everytime I have fever, I remember what causes it, and I have to go: "I'm healthy then". It'd be unusual and unhealthy not to have fever, because that'd mean my antibodies and my system in general don't care for any strange virus, or germs, or such inside of me...."yeah, let the virus have its way and kill her, what do we care". It's funny when you have fever and you're sweating cold, isn't it? The body is such a wonderland.
I logged on last night an D was on. I honestly didn't feel like talking to him, and first off, I shouldn't even have logged on. I was shaking and I thought I was going to throw up, so I just told him I was feeling really sick, that I was logging out and probably wouldn't come back. "You're not coming back?", he asked. "Not tonight", I replied. This was really unnecesary to be mentioned here, though, wasn't it?
It's funny, but his nickname "blondes wanted" changed to "brunette wanted". It kind of made sense in my head at the time, considering the color of my hair, and considering it was singular. But I really, really, didn't care about that then. Probably because I was somewhat comatose.
Yet I really, really, don't care about that now either.
I think it's over, you know. It's finally over, over, over. It's been weeks since I have no strong feelings for him, and if I keep thinking of him, and mentioning him in this diary is because it still hurts to remember the way he made me feel back then, and I still wish I could come up and tell him: "well, you hurt me", but just like I'd like to do so with Carmen and Veronica. I'd like him to feel sorry for what he did, you know....but what the hell, the harm is done. I'm not sure about the line "no hard feelings", but I am sure I don't love him anymore. My struggling for getting over him had to pay off eventually.