Saturday, 04/26/03 - 9:29 pm.
My gang came over today, and we studied a lot. It'd be hard to tell, because we were laughing out loud, but that's alright, we did study.
Well, things with Cel are in the past now. It's like nothing happened...and you know what? I think NOTHING really happened. She's not in a happy mood right now, but for other reasons. I'm glad I still can be the one that's there for her (besides Victor).
I heard yesterday from my friend Betty that Pablo is sick. She's been busy taking care of him and of Vic (who, you may recall, just broke up with his girlfriend). I wish I could be with the both of them. She sounded like she was nursing them, and I want to be in her shoes for a day. They both are so vulnerable, two of the most vulnerable people I know, despite their tough-guy attitude. I want to see them, and be there for them.
Carmen is coming over tomorrow. Err, I am not thrilled. At all.
So I am not "depressed" anymore. I think of feelings but I can't feel anything. It's kind of boring, but it's somewhat relieving. These days, even when I said I was going to cry and cut, I couldn't cry. I couldn't shed a tear. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I felt frozen inside. Numb. I was in pain, but numb at the same time.
It's funny. That thing of remembering your own pain, but not precisely feeling it.