Monday, 04/28/03 - 11:04 pm.
I left home at 9:30 am, for a long day at the UCA.
We had a meeting in the psychology labs, and I got to be in those rooms that have a mirror and there's someone on the other side but you don't know.
Then I met up with my brother's girlfriend, Maria, and we went to their (her and Carlos') house to have lunch together. Then we came back home to the UCA (they both work there, anyway).
And that's when I met up with Vic, my Vic. My blood brother. I gave him the drawing. And we talked for a long time, about the break-up with his long-time (3 years) girlfriend.
Cel joined us later on. The three of us...well, they cut themselves like I do. But they're smokers, more than anything else. I don't smoke. I grabbed a cigar and cut it in pieces with my razor. I hate seeing them smoke, but I haven't come up with a good reason to make them stop (you think they care about their health?)
Then it was class. And then it was coming home to play Mario RPG with my nephew.
BUT...I saw D. And he didn't see me. And I don't know why, but I felt bad. Like I hadn't in weeks. Tears started to come out of my eyes (when I was alone, in my class off)...but they didn't entirely. I can't cry. Although it hurts, it still hurts so much. But I can't cry anymore.
I saw him walking away, and I knew where he was going. But I didn't go after him, because I was talking to Victor (well, he was talking to me and to Cel). He needed me at that time, and I couldn't leave him just because I wanted to chase the boy I love who by the way I mean nothing to. Kind of selfish, and I knew that didn't have to be my priority at that time.
But it still hurts so much. To know things will stay this way forever. That I will have to bear with this pain (of being worthless and unwanted to the person you gave everything you had to), with no way to pour it out.
Cel mentioned that he's doing not good with his midterms, and that worried me. He's very good at math (his career involves A LOT of math). I wanted to talk to him, and so I logged on. Victor encouraged me to IM him first (given he hadn't and he's usually the first IM I get), but he hasn't replied.
I predict a few tears tonight.
Well, that's my long day, in a nutshell. It doesn't translate my feelings too well, because I'm all tired out and worried (midterms and him).
Oh, look. Rain *heart*...err, blackout. I have to shut this off.
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