Saturday, 05/10/03 - 6:49 pm.
Today is Mother's Day here. My mom has been getting phone calls and e-cards...I really don't buy presents for my parents on any of the Parent's Day. I don't think it's necessary. I show them my love and grattitude in less commercial ways.
The biggest surprise she got was from my brother Alan. He's in Washington, but he managed to send her -through a friend- this beautiful basket of roses, and a printed card, with his own writing scanned. He gives her roses every Mother's Day and on her birthday (except that one Mother's Day when he decided to build a fountain in the garden -I don't know where he gets the money-...no, wait...I think he got her flowers on that occasion, too).
We gave our maid a present, too. She cried a lot. But it's not only that, she just had a problem with her "husband" (they're not married, only live together). He beats her...the man is mentally ill, I swear. So she's trying to get away from him, but then thinks of forgiving him (for the 1000th time)...we try to help her here, my parents try to give her this and that advice. I feel sorry for her, she's a good woman and a good mom, and if it was up to me, I'd go up the man and cut his left nut with the sharpest knife in the kitchen (he was waiting for her outside my house this afternoon, and I wanted to go out and tell him a few things, but my parents wouldn't let me...yes, of course, that's logical).
Angie and Victor went to the movies. I think no one else (Irene, Victoria, Ern) did. I didn't. I chose to stay home and work on my many college assignments Iamapatheticgeek. I didn't like the movie they were seeing, anyway. I want to see X-2...with my brother. I always choose going to the movies with my brothers/sister/nephews/niece over going with my friends. I suppose it's because it's the only activity I get to enjoy with them, for I rarely see them.
I'm talking to Victor last night, and he says he's had enough of Cel. He loves her, but she just keeps making things complicated. When they get together, it's just to argue over their latest conflict. She dies of jealousy when she sees him with Angie, but she's always hanging out with a different boy, or surrounded by boys. I mean, she's a tomboy. She's very femenine, but she's the kind of girl that boys like to hang out with, because she understands them...she smokes and swears and wrestles and whatnot like a guy. And Victor has to put up with that everyday.
He says she's not the same. She's changed over the last couple of weeks. And like I've said maybe three times, she's unstable in every sense...one minute she says she's sure of something, and the next she's second guessing herself. She complicates everything. And they just keep on going in circles. So I guess he's going to give her up.
I love Cel. But I think she fucked up a little bit. Victor loves her. I really thought she loved him, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, she loves him but is not "in love" with him. I don't know. Whatever "special" thin they had, it's over now.
He said he started to like Angie when the UCA course started, but gave her up because she thought things with Cel would work out. I've always thought Angie has a crush on him. She's one of those girls that die to have a boyfriend -I honestly don't understand the urge-...but she's a good girl. I guess I'll have to wait if something happens between them. They're at the movies right now, just the two of them, maybe something nice will come out of that.
Even with his mess, he still has the will to listen to me bitch about D. *sigh* There's really nothing new to add to that. I wish I was strong like him to say "ok, this is it. You're out of my life". But it can't be...it's a different situation. They'll talk and will eventually be friends again. D never talked to me, never explained, never gave me a chance (to understand, to try to work it out...to anything), he just started pretending I wasn't there anymore.
I don't feel too well. Four times I almost broke down in front on the TV. And my dad made me feel like doing so twice in less than two minutes (but out of anger, I wanted to yell and call him names). I don't want to be here, I've been here at home the entire day, and I'm SICKSICKSICK. I know I could've gone to the movies, but I don't want to go out either. I don't. I don't want to do anything.
I just want to lie in bed, but I feel my body rot when I do, starting from the legs. I disgust myself for being such a waste, and I even want to throw up. I want to run. Away.
I know all I have to do is get up and find something to do, but I don't even have the will to get up.
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