Saturday, 05/17/03 - 6:21 pm.
I've been thinking of writing to D. But I second guess everytime I think of the possibility of running into him by accident.
I'm still somewhat mad, but Victor apologized and he kept repeating (this morning, that we met up to work on it -which we barely did, because we have no clue what we're doing-) that it's me who's done all the work, and that he'll get more involved. It's kind of true. I made a few mistakes, and Ern only helps when it comes to say "you did it wrong, it's not like this", but he hasn't done much more than that. We all made an effort this morning to finish it. We couldn't.
We have to turn it in on monday morning, before the next experiment, experiment #3. And maybe it'll be the same within two weeks: working on experiment #3 at the last minute, to turn it in before we start experiment #4. And then it's #4 before #5, and #5 before #6...
I can picture feeling like this (anxious, pessimistic, overwhelmed by the responsability, pushing them to work, begging them to be on time, asking them not to look at me when they need answers, reminding them to WRITE DOWN THE FUCKIN' BOOKS THEY GET THE INFORMATION FROM -GOD! How hard is that?!?!-!) every two weeks. I am not thrilled. I'd like to quit.
I AM SICK OF IT.
I have the feeling we will fail. Nothing goes well with it, and although I've been working on it for days I feel I have done nothing, and the little I've done is wrong, COMPLETELY wrong.