Saturday, 05/24/03 - 5:34 pm.
(congratulate my brother Alan, he is in Washington and his name was mentioned in the newspaper today...he's giving speeches at different universities and, most important, he's one of the people that are making El Salvador's president go nuts...if you lived here and belonged to middle class or lower you'd understand. Just congratulate him)
Victor and Angie are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I thought so, as I overheard them behind me when we were waiting for class to begin yesterday. Well, actually...I heard just two phrases:
Victor: no, I'm asking you.
and (minutes later, after a lot of talking I couldn't figure out):
Angie: I can't believe it.
I found her online at night, and she said yes, now they're officially together. I'm so glad, it was about time. She kept saying she'd do her best, that she loves him so much...and thanked me for being "Victor's ear". Aw.
Nobody else came online the whole night. I needed either Cel or Victor, I needed their support (and in Victor's case, I had to congratulate him), as I was determined to send the damn letter to D....I was scared, and I needed someone to tell me DO IT, go for it. I felt so abandoned.
But still. I. Did. It.
I sent it. And as soon as the "your e-mail has been sent" message appeared, I regretted it.
But oddly enough, that feeling faded away when I clicked "ok".
And I still I don't regret it. And I still can't believe I've done it. I'd never been so assertive in my whole damn life. I never thought I could get to do it, it feels like I've truly taken a weight off my chest, and I didn't think that could be possible.
He hasn't replied. I don't care if he does. I've realized I don't want an answer, I just needed to ask. I probably won't read his e-mail if I ever get one. I don't care to know, I don't care at all.
It's funny, but I'd never been so decided to do something. Though the idea was in my mind all the time, I didn't *think* about it (as confusing as that might sound). I'd never done anything like this...I mean, tell people who hurt me that they did. I wonder where that came from.
Cel and Victor weren't with me to encourage me, but The Lion King did just fine....hey, it's true. It was very encouraging, when Simba got his act together and faced everything and came back and defeated Scar and walked up to the Pride Rock...who doesn't love The Lion King?! I hadn't watched it in ages. My nephew Javier was watching it when I came home last night. I still remember the lines *heart*.
I think I went on a tangent.
Ok, so that's it. I'm a bit embarrased for what I've done, but I don't regret it. I think that's all that matters.
On unrelated news, I hate national TV Aerosmith specials. And speaking of Aerosmith, they're part of the upcoming Rugrats movie soundtrack. It sounds dumb, but I already heard a clip of the song, Lizard Love, and it isn't bad...it does rock. It's an outtake from the early 90s.
So anyway, this is the last version of my letter, the one that I e-mailed:
Hi.
Sorry to bother you.
Listen, I just want to know what happened (you know what I'm talking about)...just out of curiosity.
I know it was a long time ago, but I wanted to tell you (better late than never) that if I ever did something wrong, I'm really sorry, I am. Forgive me, I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable I promise I'll leave you alone (I'll never go on that subject and we'll never talk to each other again, or whatever you want), just tell me what happened. Please?
I try my best to be empathetic, but I have no idea what he'd reply to it.
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