Thursday, 11/15/01 - 8:28 p.m..
Now it's part of my daily schedule to watch Daria and Beavis & Butthead. They reflect my, um...I like watching them.
I ate fish today. And it gets on my nerves, all those fuckin' little things that I may swallow and may kill me. Therefore, I have to be eating piece by piece and it takes me so much time. By the time I'm done with the skeleton, I'm not hungry anymore.
Eating fish zuckz, Zimeon.
Aerosmith is going down hill. It's a shame. I'd help them but they hate so much. No, seriously...I don't want my fuckin' band to disappear just because they want to attract the younger crowd with songs like Fly Away From Here. Now, not only are they releasing the wrong songs as singles but they're changing the lyrics to make it more "radio-friendly"...Yodel-A, instead of Fuckin'-A??? I hope they release another album soon...but a real rocker, not a pop one. And even more, stop worrying about the teeny-boppers fans. They won't last. Pick me, dammit. PICK ME!!!
I didn't live today. I limitated myself to breathe. What a fuckin' waste.
Seriously, I do nothing...not-a-fuckin'-thing. I watch TV, I read this book (which by the way is missing 6 pages so I'm a bit lost right now), I see what's on the Aerosmith message boards, I check my e-mail, I watch TV, I check my e-mail again....pathetic, it's truly pathetic. I wouldn't stand two weeks of this crap. Thank God I'm going to Houston. At least I'll vegetate in a foreign country.
I'm alone. Hooray. I'll be alone most of the time this upcoming month. And the next one. And when school starts. And when school finishes...Is that something that everybody can stand? Being alone 90% of the time? I don't stop and think "hey, I'm alone" though. I guess I just try to ignore my loneliness...but at the same I can't, because loneliness never leaves me alone, it's like a shadow...that even glows in the dark.
Valentine's day is a sad, sad holiday. Well, yes, sometimes I get presents from my friends. And I have to give them presents. Please note the I have to particle. But...I don't know, I'm the Grinch of Valentine's Day for one or two stupid reasons. Anyway, I shouldn't mention this yet. It's not even january.
- I don't like Valentine's day, Simeon
- Oh, well...such is life when you're dead.
-...um, yeah, whatever.
Despite that, I'm Dr. Love. Who had a song called Dr. Love, by the way?...Was it KISS?...*sings* They call me...Dr. Love!!!...Yes, it was KISS. Anyway, I wanted to have some human contact last night so I sold my soul and logged in, appearing as online. I found Cory and Rene. "Hooray (crap)". They both asked me about girls...who the fuck do they think I am? I mean, sure I'm a girl, but I don't fuckin' understand them.
Cory's story: I met this girl at a party, I asked her friend (the birthday girl) if she had mentioned something about me and the birthday girl said "you see, then", what does that mean?
Who knows, man. How am I supposed to know what the fuck she meant? I told him: maybe the birthday girl meant that her friend indeed said something about you. Duh.
Rene's story: my ex, Vanessa, has now hooked up with Denver. They kissed "by accident" and now they're a couple. I feel weird about this, what do you think it is?
"Dammit, there's something that comes in these little bottles called jealousy, man". Of course, I didn't say that. I asked him to go on. So he went on, saying that he's jealous although he's not so in love with her; that Denver is his friend and Vanessa is his friend, they're a couple, and he's not mad about it. What do I think it is? Fuck, how am I supposed to know what the fuck is going on in your teen-aged, problematic heart?
Today I remembered both conversations (they were happening at the same time) and noticed...everybody always asks me for an advice. Well, not everybody, not always...but enough to make me say so. Oh, yes, ask the wise freak. No, it does not bother me. In fact, it flatters me....sort of. It's just that I do not ask anybody for advice. Why is that? because we keep the family bussiness in the family...that understood as I-do-not-tell-anybody-about-my-problems-and-conflicts. Why? Because no one has ever given me the confidence I need. Why? because they're focused on how huge their problems are.
At least I'm independent from people. In the end, I make my own decisions, I assume the consequences...and I get all of the rewards (IF there are). That doesn't mean I'd reject the one who'd care about me as much as he/she cares about his/her self. Though it's really hard that I might find someone. And since that is not happening this week, I'll finish this entry now because it's time for Beavis & Butthead.
Just for the record, both boys weren't happy with my advices. They kept telling me that that answer wasn't enough, that I hadn't quite gotten the problem, that if that was all I had to say...in a few words, I guess they wanted me to solve their problems. I can't do that, loves.
Dr. Love, eh?...If I got paid for that, I wouldn't need to go to college and would easily live a happy, mediocre life. I'll think about it.