Well, next time at least PLACE A FUCKIN' LABEL ON IT!!!
Wednesday, 10/29/03 - 11:52 am.

Something got in the way of my studying plans and taking-a-break-to-watch-Friends.

It's a task that (a) interrupted me and sucked up all the time I needed to study (midterm tomorrow) and (b) I'm not able to finish, because I've not been given enough information.

(I CAN'T FUCKIN' FIND WHAT YOU FUCKIN' WHAT, OK?! I HAVE LIFE, AND I KNOW I'M A STUDENT, STOP SUCKIN' UP MY TIME AND THEN COMING TO GET ALL PARENTAL ON ME, LIKE I'M A MISGUIDED DUMBASS THAT SKIPS CLASS EVERYDAY!!!!!)

To top it all off, God forbid I show any frustration or anger, because my dad makes sure to call me down (and then starts talking about something else to let me know he doesn't really care about what I'm doing, because it doesn't affect him at all). Oh, no, it's forbidden to show negative emotions, let alone release them.

And as usual, I'm being pushed around at will. And my dad knows this upsets my mom, so he comes and whispers to me can I do so and so? And, oh, of course I can, or else I'm a spoiled, ungrateful child with nothing better to do than contradict authority. I get mad over something (say, a task that's almost impossible to accomplish), I start cursing and hitting and being aggressive, and they seem to take it like I'm disrespecting them, like it's a threath to them, like I'm mad at them. Stupid paranoids.

And now what's the matter with you, young lady? you are SO intolerant.

FUCK YOU!

I think I'm going to hurt myself, secretly, because they seem to ignore how unhealthy it is to keep evertyhing inside.

It's that horrible knot in your throat when you want to cry out of frustrarion, but if you cry they'll tell you to shut up and stop being intolerant. You're just not allowed to feel.

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