Friday, 11/28/03 - 12:32 pm.
I got my driving license today. I drove home, but my parents were practically driving with me (the TWO of them), and I got stuck on an uphill road. So I technically didn't drive home, I drove halfway home.
But I got my license, that's the bottom line. And for some reason, now I want to drive (a car I can actually control, I mean...with no cars around, please, and make my potatoes a salad).
Everything before driving (halfway) home had me unhappy. My dad is very, very sick, and while I'm horrified when I hear him scream, sometimes he gets unbereable, it's hard to deal with him and I can't stand him, to the point of wanting to cry. Either way, I'm sorry about him, I hope he gets better (I also hope he earns some damn patience, no wonder why he's so sick).
Something happened last night, and 1 ended up saying to me: leave.
I talked about it with Rod. I usually don't open up, but I was petrified inside. I needed to talk about this. But 1 just doesn't give up, and he keeps sending me text messages, telling me he loves me.
Well...I want to break up. Yes, that's the whole damn problem. I've never broken up with anyone before. I love him, but I'm not in conditions to be in a relationship, I don't feel like it, I want to just focus on my career (say, it's not just a line from movies). Rod said it wasn't my fault if my feelings had changed but...I'm a monster, a heartless monster. I hate this I-get-my-heart-broken-and-then-I-break-a-heart pattern. I don't do it on purpose, obviously...and I tend to think I'd rather get my heart broken by a thousand Ds than break 1's heart...err, which I already do...on a painful daily basis. It's healthier for him to get his heart broken once and for all, instead of going through the agony. I suck at being a girlfriend.
On lighter news, Frog got a haircut. She looks like a worm *cries*. This is how she looked like (yes, you can laugh, I do it all the time). Finally a picture on this diary. And that ends today's entry.
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