Tuesday, 02/03/04 - 2:46 pm.
Tomorrow I'm going to school. I'm going to walk my nephew to his classroom because it's his first day (that's his mom's task but she won't come back from abroad on time).
But also I'm going because I want to see Fidel. I tend to think he'll be glad to see me, but...he might as well be a little mad at me for not showing up in over a year. Or he might as well not care about me anymore. But I only go for the second and third options because human reactions, are, after all, odd. You never know what goes on in their heads.
Why didn't I go to school in over a year? The school I went to my whole schoolgirl life (since I was 6 'til I was 18)? Well...because I discovered there was a life outside of it, unlike I feared. And because, frankly, I didn't want to go so bad enough to actually make an effort.
I'm taking Fidel a present: a dead butterfly in a safety matches box. I like giving him odd presents. The oddest, as I recall, was the dead bee stuck to a flower (it was petrified or something, because it wouldn't come off the flower). I know I talked about this on this diary, as it was in first year of high school, but, to everybody's pleasure, I'm not going to go look for that entry.
It's going to be odd, going to school. If there's something I've learned is that my time there is over, and I've got no bussiness over there, other than being acquainted with Fidel and Min, my two favorite teachers (I actually loved all of my high school teachers, even the math teacher, but I've only been friends with those two).
Simple as that, I've got no bussiness over there. And, surprise, surprise, I don't care for the memories I might awake by walking in those hallways. They're there, that's enough. And I don't have many, as I go backwards and backwards in time. From pre-school 'til 6th grade, all memories gather as one single year (like George Harrison said about The Beatles' tours..."all tours become one in my mind").
Maybe when I go there tomorrow morning I'll get nostalgic and I'll wish for those times to come back. But that'll be all. I don't quite need it anymore, I have another life. Most of times it's like it never happened, like I never went to school. All the text books I have in the house are product of my home-schooling, and I never made friends.
Guess what? as of today, ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE IS BACK ON AIR! Yeah, that's a hoot. Simeon's smile outgrows his skull (Rocko is his idol) and I...I feel so complete *tears and hearts*.
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