Monday, Dec. 10, 2001 - 12:08 p.m..
I haven't used my head lately. Until this morning, that I looked out the window and felt excited about the future......"future". That word holds in a lot of meaning. I felt excited and asked myself why is it that I'm so worried about it....then I found the answer.
Life paves the way for you....you are excited.
You pave your way in life....you are scared.
And that was it. When I'm excited about what future brings it's precisely because I think future brings it. When I'm scared of the future it's because I realize that I have to go and get what future holds in. I suppose it's a little bit of both, sometimes future will bring, sometimes you have to go get it by yourself. That's all I've thought in more than 24 hours.
I went to mass yesterday. It was really good. This priest is so funny. He talked about Harry Potter for a long time, magic, excitement...and finally landed in what he really wanted to say: God wants kids, not adults. Be a kid. Because adults are monotonous, bored, they get annoyed easily. Kids are always amused by little things, believe in magic, believe in the impossible, are always searching. Although there's a routine, a daily routine, it's up to ourselves not to let it be monotonous (Steven Tyler always says: Let The Kid Out). Hell, I do have a routine. I build routines around me all the time. And I never get tired of them, I always get something new I hadn't noticed before, or find a new thing to add or change. And there's always Aerosmith to spice it up a little bit....well, a lot. I've been listening to Aerosmith the whooole morning.
- They make you burn fat, as a plus. By the way, bacon is made out of pork's fat.
- Yes, Simeon. I know.
- Duh, of course you know. I just told you.
I started a new Simeon's book. It has no name yet and I have no idea what it will be about. That's something that's always worked on the way, it just....kind of happens. Simeon always reminds me of the eternal conflict artists deal with (not that I'm an artist, unfortunately, but somehow, I have to deal with it too): being commercial versus being true to yourself. Some artists (I mean all kind of artists) are lucky enough to be able to be themselves and be commercial at the same time, so they're really successful.. Others have to give up what they like to do for what the public would like to see...or viceversa. It's a huge conflict, and no matter how much you want to be true to yourself and you like yourself, you want others to like you. That's not bad, since the human being needs interaction with and approval of others of the same species (also known as being social). There's also bad when you like what you do but maybe you don't have what it takes to like the others, and try to do what they want, putting aside yourself and you just wind up discovering that you sucked trying to make happy others AND resigned to yourself. Hard stuff. Really hard.
Monkey On My Back in on right now. I like the end of the song.....Now Love In An Elevator is on.
But where am I gonna look?
They tell me that love is blind
I really need a girl like an open book
to read between the lines.
Going down, Simeon. Goooooing down.
Low temperatures again. But the day is sunny, no clouds. It's a nice day to start a life.
Livin' it up 'til I hit the ground.
Sometimes I wish I could stay in my country forever, with my friends, near my family, near the places that've seen me grow up. Dad said that the house was going to be mine. They bought that house after Alan was born, it was just built. About 30 years ago. Maybe I'm meant to be, to live, to die there. Almost all of my friends are staying there. I even found out just this year that I already have a place in the graveyard. BUT.....no thanks. Thanks, but no thanks. There's something that's calling me outside. I think I have this potential free spirit or something.
Potential.
It's like the microwave meals. They're meals, but until you microwave them, they're frozen, just "potential" food. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just "feel" I have potential. What if I really wind up with that life in my country, with everybody around me, sitting behind a desk, or worse, in a cubicule!? What if I wind up in a routine? In a routine that's monotonous because I let myself grew up and became an adult? I'm afraid that might happen. I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and suddenly I'll realize that I'm being buried like any common person in this world.
On the way home afterward, I'd sit staring out the car window, imagining myself doomed to this existence forever (...).
The truth was I had to get out front. I was after total inmortality. I couldn't sleep nights, thinking about how famous I could be. I was terrified I would die before I made my mark in the world (....).
Inmortality. it's not much to ask, is it?.
Steven Tyler....Those were his thoughts when he was a teeanger (those and getting into girls' pants and smoking weed). Sometimes Walk This Way seems more a spiritual issues and "if I could, you can, too" book than the biography of the greatest motherfuckin' rock & roll band that has ever existed.