Tuesday, 04/13/04 - 9:41 pm.
Tuesdays are annoying, but they kind of go away quickly...or so it seems once they're over.
Biological Basis Of Behavior Lab is a drag, and I keep failing the quizzes. Though not just me...for whatever that is worth.
I had to leave that class (not the lab, the lab was at 2, the class was at 4:30) to go to see the counselor. Like I said yesterday, I had an appointment today. Every psychology student had to go see a professor-counselor to talk about the career and such. It wasn't bad, my meeting with him. He actually inflated my ego a little bit.
My studies are on track. I'm not behind, I'm taking four subjects every semester. I'm on time, so there really wasn't anything to talk about. I thought the interview or whatever that was would be something more personal, like "how's the dynamics of your family?". Maybe they ask that to the ones who do have academical trouble. So far, I have none, so there's no reason to worry about the dynamics of my family (that are fine, by the way), and therefore, to worry about me.
I must congratulate you...your average is 9.3, and if you keep this up, you will become one of the best students of your generation (I was going to tell him I wasn't the highest, that my friend Victor, with 9.4, was, but I let him keep praising me...I'm so shameless).
That, yes, inflated my ego a little, because I like being on top. But most of all, it reminded me how scared I am to fall. I MUST keep that up, I can't afford to drop to even 8.9, oh, no. No less than 9.2 for me. I think I can. It's not easy, but I can. I will. I like good grades, I like having above-average grades. Analyze me however you want, I just like that.
Today was Victoria's birthday, and I bought her a cupcake and stuck a candle in it. I also bought her a card, that was signed for the rest of us (Irene, Victor, Angie, yours truly). She almost cried. We're planning on going for an ice cream on friday. We're that hardcore.
Irene bought me chocolate milk today, at the campus supermarket. That made me so happy, I love chocolate milk. It fills my soul. This one in particular was great, it rocked my skull. I must look for the cow next time I buy chocolate milk.
Class was dismissed earlier tonight, and the four of us, except for Victoria (then it's Victor, Angie, Irene and yours truly) sat and just talked about stuff (like Irene breaking up the friendship with a dumb boy, that reminded me of D, and Angie talking about how pathetic the life of the people in this country is). We were in the dark, behind some bushes. Nice times, I tell you. We just get along so well.
It was time to leave, so I walked by myself to the place where my dad picks me up. And I felt lonely. A good loneliness. I'm not sure how I'd explain that...I was feeling empty, and yet happy. I'm enjoying being alone. That's how I'd been feeling all day. I get sad, but I happen to enjoy that sadness. When I sneaked out of class to see the counselor, I walked through the campus feeling sad, but it was a happy sadness. A comfortable sadness, an enlightening sadness.
I love being with my friends, of course, but I also enjoy my moments of solitude. When I walk with my friends, I'm having a conversation with them, and that's great. When I'm walking around the campus by myself I feel free, I can walk at my own pace, hear the voices in my head...after all, I pretty much don't need to take to the surface everything that's happening in my mind. I get to be silent, and I get to listen to all the people around me.
I leave my friends behind every night, because after class (and after a quick after-class catch-up, check-on of our lives)we go our separate ways, we go home. And that's ok, because I know I'll see them the next day, and I know I can count on them for anything.
I feel very comfortable right now, and although sometimes I want to fall in love, find a "special someone", I don't see myself finding anyone who could give me the sense of comfort I get by walking alone in the dark.
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