Tuesday, 05/18/04 - 10:11 pm.
You know what I just realized? I never posted the entries I wrote during the week I was without internet access. I think I should post them, as I talk about Joseph in those. Only then he was still DenimJacketGuy. It seems so long...
I hate tuesdays. I don't like tuesdays, I say this every tuesday. I'm very tired, and the amount of work I have to get done in these two weeks is ridiculous. RIDICULOUS, you hear? I fear I won't be able to get anything done on time, and I will fail succesfully (or miserably, both apply).
What's sadder is that now every day of the week is becoming a tuesday (because of the schedule). All five of them, and no weekend. The weekends are made of mondays or wednesdays. If I were single, I suppose I'd say "ha, I'm glad I'm single", because of the amount of work. But I am with Joseph, and honestly, I can't imagine my life without him. So instead, I curse my schedule, as it should be.
I try to have as much time for him as I can. He never complains, he's such a doll. He's just so happy, and I'm happy to see him happy. During my first class at 4:30 (I had a lab at 2:00, that doesn't count) it started to rain. And I guess rain will permanently will lead me to him...I mean, I'm ALWAYS lead to him, but rain makes it more...compulsive?
I felt like telling him he was my universe, that I was hung up on him, that I was with him not for fun (he's had his experiences), but because I am truly in love with him. And yes, I told him after class (and he replied with similar statements, too). And at some point, he asked me if I was going to help him when he started psychology (like I said before, he'll study again). "Yes". "Will you come to my house?". "Yes". "Will you help me study?". "Yes". "...or will I study you?". Oh, yes. You know, this man drives me crazy like nobody ever has.
It's kind of frustrating, for the both of us, when I have to go to class. But the moments we're together are just wonderful. I reached out and grabbed his hand today, and we walked like that for a while. With 1, I was utterly embarrased to walk holding hands. But with Joseph it's just...natural. It feels right.
He told me today that on friday (when he was waiting for me after the seminary) he ran into 1. Somehow 1 made Joseph confess that he liked me. 1, on the other hand, confessed that he'd thought of asking me to get back together...and then he said to Joseph "you've just saved me one trouble...go for her". 1 got very sad, Joseph said. I really appreciate that attitude, and I'm sorry for him. But I would've hated for 1 to ask me back.
1's confession, among other factors, was what made Joseph go look for me at night (on friday, after my seminary) and do things as he did, and that's why I'm here right now, talking about how madly in love with him I am, instead of reading my psychology reads.
I will go read right now, though, for I am seriously running out of time. But still, it's funny, being in love. It's the first time I don't give a fuck about being disgustingly affectionate (hi, I LOVE him).
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