Monday, 05/24/04 - 10:58 pm.
I woke up to the sound of rain. It rained for maybe six hours, the whole morning. It was so very special, I tell you. That's probably one of the perks of not being at school anymore, I get to sleep in.
The weather was wonderful to wear long sleeves. I love long sleeves, but I rarely get to wear them because of the hot weather, typical of this zone of the globe. I was happy to get to do it, but before I left home for the UCA, the sky suddenly cleared up and the cold went away. And all I could say was: everything will go wrong. I had to change the long sleeves.
I was freaking out, all through the day. I was really freaking out, thinking about midterms and researches and labs and papers and my brother leaving, and I felt like a failure. I can't fucking seem to make any goddamn progress on anything, ANYTHING, YOU HEAR?!?!? I work, and I write and I read and I read more, and at the end of the day I'm right where I started, I'm ignorant and confused and the instrument for my research is still a mess.
And when I saw, through my window, the sun coming out, I thought everything will go wrong. One could consider the sky clearing up as a sign of hope, as in George Harrison's song, "here comes the sun". But no, not for me, oh, no. Everything was wrong...I was late for class, I wasn't going to see Joseph before class, I was (am) awfully behind schedule on EVERYTHING...I couldn't even get to wear long sleeves, dammit. Goddammit.
I did see Joseph, five minutes before class. I went to class. It finally ended -as usual- an hour later, but Victoria came up to me and went on and on and on and on and on and on (and on and on) about all of the assignments we have to work on these two weeks, and I just wanted to tell her to please shut up, because I wanted to be with Joseph (who was behind me, just patiently waiting for me to finish talking to Victoria) and forget about the university, at least for a while. But aside from being neck-deep in assignments, she was telling me about how bad she felt, because her ex-boyfriend, whom she still loves, has a girlfriend. She's very sad about that, so I, of course, listened to her.
Finally, finally, she left (she leaves early on monday) and I got to be with Joseph. Cel was with us, but he gave her a dollar to buy french fries (why would ANYONE want to associate fried potatoes with freedom?) and left her, and took me to the coffeehouse, so it could be just the two of us. That was funny, no, no, leave her, she'll be ok...I'd promised to feed her, and I kept my promise. I gave her the dollar, she can buy what she wants. Let's go.
God knows how long I'd awaited to be with him...being in the coffeehouse, talking, drinking cold coffee and holding hands. It seems everything is getting on my way to be with him...time goes ridiculously slow when I'm not with him (yesterday I was craving his presence), and I have so much work to do that I'm afraid I'll barely see him these days. He understands I can't be with him as much as I want to, he's such a doll. But I'll do my best to be with him as much as possible, in spite of all the stupid obstacles.
He says I look cute when I'm freaking out. I told him why I was freaking out (my brother leaving, midterms, researches), and I actually felt better. He made me feel better.
It's our one week anniversary today. It sounds very insignificant, but it doesn't feel like a week. It feels like months...and that's good, it's great. It's like we've been together for months, even years. I really want things to work out between us, he said. So do I. We made a pact of being honest to each other if we need "space", as in "I don't feel like being with you today". But I doubt I'll ever get to say that to him. Quite the opposite, really.
My life is a disaster right now, it's this tornado carrying cows, but he's keeping me sane and tranquil and happy. I knew that when I'd finally get to be with him today, alone in that coffeehouse, everything would be alright, at least just for the 30 minutes we spend there.
It's our week, and it's Angel's beggining (Congratulations, fucker!!!). It's odd, we went through the same situation, of kissing our loved one for the first time when it was raining.
- Me: I kissed him in the rain, too!
- Angel: I know!!! We can be kiss buddies!!! omg, omg, omg!!!
- Me: I am so posting that in my entry.