Saturday, 06/05/04 - 9:15 pm.
I finally counted the steps, from the university to the Burger King next to the campus: it's exactly 35 steps. It's just a sidewalk, and there are 35 steps since between the university entrance and the BK parking lot.
I went there at 3 o'clock, after I finished my midterm. FINALLY, I AM DONE WITH MIDTERMS!!! Yes. I feel relieved. I am a little scared my results won't be stunning, but I'm hoping they'll be good enough to keep an above-average average.
My parents are out of the country for the weekend (somebody's getting married on the country nearby and they were invited...huh) but my family refuses to leave me alone. My sister will be sleeping over, with his son, my nephew. I appreciate it, yes, but...I'm 19 years old, I can spend a night all by myself.
My brother slept over and dropped off my parents at the bus stop early this morning. Then, since he works at the UCA, my university, he gave me a ride at 9 o'clock. I tried to study, but then I met up with Joseph at 10 and the mass in memory of Ern was at 11.
I've realized how much I regret not getting to know him better. He usually was very lazy when it came to turn in a collective paper, but he surely was a man of good. He helped build houses in rural communities and such. I liked his laughter, very heartfelt. Some of his friends talked about him, it was wonderful, but of course very sad. At the end of the mass we got this little piece of paper, with a message and his picture...he wanted to grow his hair, but in this picture it's short, and he's a little thinner. He was handsome, actually.
And, well...it's ugly. It's really ugly, but I'm supposed to keep on living. The death of somebody near you actually teaches you a thing or two. See, some people talked about how he'd helped them, in very specific ways. If I died, I don't think there'd be a lot to say. "Oh, yes, she was a nice girl". And I don't want that. I'd like something like "one day, she did this....and I will never forget that". Alright, my life has a purpose now.
Joseph had a...uh, Pokemon card game tournament today, so he didn't wait for me after the midterm. I think I didn't mention he's into card games. It was kind of a shame, because my sister was going to pick me up at 4, and I finished my midterm at 3.
So that's when I went to BK, to have lunch (didn't eat before because I was studying) and I counted the steps. I wanted Joseph to be with me, but I was really enjoying my time alone, walking, looking around, just listening and seeing everything around me. I had a $1.99 meal, plus a $1.15 apple pie, and I watched Rocket Power on one of the TVs at the restaurant.
Joseph just called me, he's one block away from my house, at some bar. He was with two or three of his friends (I know them, they're cool and respectful, if that's your concern), and he asked me if they could come over. I really want to see him, but I said they'd better not.
First, there's the watchmen of this neighborhood, what would they say if they saw 2 or 3 guys walking into my house, knowing my parents aren't home? They'd think of calling the cops or they'd think I have it all planned, "the slut". Ok, but that's social pressure. I just don't want 2 or 3 guys in my house, and at this time of the night. Maybe if it was only him it'd been ok...and no, not because I feel like "going to bed" with him, or anything. I am just in love with him, and I want to see him all the time, get it?
Anyway, I already have my PJs on, and I'm...tired. And yes, I pay attention to the social judgement. I don't want to look like the girl who takes advantage of having the house all to herself.
I wanted to take this weekend to rest, after these horrible weeks, but I just realized I still have a lot of work to do. But I rented Memento this afternoon (finally, I'll see a hippocampus injury in action), it's raining...it's all perfect to curl up in the couch and rest.
- Me: You will call me tonight, right?
- Joseph: yes.
- Me: at what time?
- Joseph: yes.
- Me: what?
- Joseph: what?
- Me: I asked you at what time will you call me tonight.
- Joseph: I'm sorry, you idiotize me.
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