Friday, 06/11/04 - 10:09 pm.
Somebody knocked on my door today, and five minutes later I had a new pair of jeans for $12. They're really good. They're cheap, they're a Tommy rip-off and that makes me glad. I'm cheap.
My guitar instructor happens to own what it's called The White Bible, a book with all of the Beatles music scores. It's amazing. And I was drooling. And I'll learn to play Blackbird off of it. And that book is very steal-able.
After guitar lessons I found a very disturbed version of Joseph waiting for me outside the "house" (in the campus) where I take the guitar lessons. I have no idea what exactly happened, but he was feeling miserable, saying that he was having a bad day, that he was broke and such. So we went to a place where two of his biggest friends spend the day (working on computers, bidding on EBay), a couple of houses away from one of the university entrances. He knew he could count on them to be cheered up. It's a juicehouse, where we were going, but his friends are in a room at the end of the house.
It's the place I went to the day after Ern's death. But obviously this time I was in a better mood. There's this HUGE guy that's known as Tiny (appropiate) and then there's Adam. Only Adam was there when we arrived, and we watched Happy Tree Friends episodes in his computer. Tiny arrived later on, and everything was just fun. They're both flirty with me, but in a friendly way. They insist I'm beautiful and such, and I'm glad they like me that much, because Joseph considers them family.
We walked back to the campus, and I found out the only class of the day, at 6:30, had been called off. On fridays, our "schedule" is being together from 4:30 to 6:30, but since the class was called off, we were together from 4:30 to 8 o'clock. All the shit I went through today...I don't care, I don't fucking care if it was the price I had to pay to be with you for such a long time, he said. Aw.
At first we were with his friends, including *cough* 1, my ex-boyfriend (I just realized, looking at the date of the entry, that today would be our one year anniversary...yes, ugh). But then we were finally alone, just the both us. He told me stories from his life. Most of his stories are not happy, but he's a great storyteller with a wonderful sense of humor. I'm thinking he's great material for a book.
Him: don't ever leave me...I could never forgive you.
Putting aside how happy I am with Joseph, today I was a little oversensitive. I cried in the morning, and I almost cried at night, while he was talking to his friends (hell, no, he wasn't ignoring me or anything). I suppose I'm starting to realize a lot of things, I realize I need to change my life a little. It's the necessity of transcendence Abraham Maslow talked about. Get out of yourself, make a difference in people's lives and such. Yes, yes, I am working on that.
Anyway, I was crying in the morning because of a based-on-a-true-story movie I watched (because I suck, ok?). And mostly because I realized how anxious I am about introducing Joseph to my parents. I love Joseph, he means the world to me, and I'm scared my parents will think that he's not good enough for me and such, because he's five years my senior and doesn't have an university degree (he'll start psychology until next year, and not this semester...first he needs a job to afford his studies, and he's looking for one right now)...and because he looks like a criminal. I've been dreaming about that every night, he's at my house, he's in my bedroom, my family's walking around and I try to hide him, or I just pretend he's just a friend visiting. I admit it, I'm a little stressed out and worried about the whole thing, although I haven't even scheduled a meeting (I'm too coward, don't think it'll be next week).
My dad cannot forbid me to see him, he doesn't have the right to. Even if he did, he could never control my head nor my feelings, so it'd be useless. But it is important for me that they accept Joseph (it is important for him, too). In the end, though, hey, dad, you don't have to like him...it's not you who will sleep with him, anyway. That line will sure take me to heaven *cough*.
Joseph: I am the Messiah, I will bring you back to life!..."dude, you did, but I still have AIDS! I will die anyway!"...man, just be happy I revived you, you people are so hard to please!