Monday, 07/12/04 - 10:30 pm.
I think my average will drop drastically this semester, and I feel horrible for that. But the semester is over. I'm free for a month and days, no more classes and researches and quizzes and essays. All thoughts of failure aside, I am really happy and relieved.
I studied with Angie all afternoon. I was a little cold toward Joseph because of that. At first I didn't know if it was only my perception or it was the truth. He commented about it, so I realized it was the truth, he said I'd been a little distant. I tried to make up for it before I went to take the exam. Because I love him, seriously, I don't want him to think otherwise.
I'd taken with me a Simeon notebook, and I showed it to him. His friend GrapeHead was next to him and when he saw the book he said: oooohhh, the tv!. He says that reading my notebooks (cartoons) is like watching TV. And he read part of it, and I finally remembered what it's like to have someone enjoying your cartoons. The chuckles and the "dude, look at this!" is just priceless.
Joseph was walking me to the classroom when we ran into Denver. I exchanged a few words with him (after all, life goes on...). Later I told Joseph about him, that I was once in love with him, and that I started cutting because of him. He asked me if he made me suffer, but then to lighten the situation he made fun of me, saying my taste in guys sucked and that he was probably the most handsome of all the boys I've been involved with. Yes, he is. I don't like that guy, he finished.
The time for the exam came and I said goodbye to Joseph. He thought it was going to take long, and so I did, so I didn't ask him to wait for me. But no, it took me only 30 minutes. And I thought it was a waste, I could've been with him for about two hours tonight. I hated that. After all, we won't see each other so often for over a month.
But it wasn't so bad, because I got to be with Angie and Irene. Mostly with Angie, we talked about her issues. She's really worried about failing this semester. She also told me about her dad, he's so authoritarian. I know I complain about my dad often, but Angie's dad is...something else. He works in the United States, but has come for a couple of months, and he managed to ruin Angie's independence, her life. I met him, when he came to pick Angie up, and he's scary.
I want to forget I'm a failure, that my average has dropped. I know that, in the big scheme of the universe, that's not a big deal, and, as Joseph says, it's banal. But I don't see it that way, really. I care for my results, because after all I work hard to get good results. And things didn't turn out ok, I found this semester to be the most difficult of all so far. And I'm really frustrated, to be honest.
Well, bottom line (of this entry, anyway) is that I'm finally free. My most inmediate goal is, for tomorrow, to clean up my room, bake cookies, practice guitar and watch Beatles movies with my nephew Renan.
Ok, really...I had the intention of making this a cheery entry, because the semester is over and all. But as a matter of fact, I'm just really upset about my grades.
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