Wednesday, 07/21/04 - 10:57 pm.
My niece Rebeca is here for two weeks. She's 10 and she's quite a character. Today she lost a tooth and got her hair straightened for the first time in her life (it's very, very curly). She's beautiful. But at first, when she came home, it was odd, I just didn't know how to treat her. Plus, she's got this habit of not eating, and that just gets on my nerves. I suspected eating disorder, but she's too smart for that, I hope. We were talking about that this morning, and I think she's well aware of those things. I'm keeping an eye on her, but I'm hoping it's just a phase.
Joseph will come over tomorrow. It's funny, being in love. This day felt as though I'd spent a month without talking to him, and our phone call was great.
- Me: ok, I'm going to tell you something that in other circumstances would freak you out.
- Him: what's that?
- Me: my period is late.
- Him: *silence* Holy shit. I'd fall out on my ass. *More silence* But actually, I'd be very, very happy.
- Him: and the kid will go to military school.
- Me: no way! I won't be bearing military babies.
- Him: what do you want, then?
- Me: hippies!
We want historical antagonists, that's how different we are. We have A LOT to discuss on this delicate subject. Oh, dear God, why am I talking about having babies, anyway?
I got my grades for this semester, my brother e-mailed them to me, since he's got direct access to the university computers (he's the coordinator of the career of psychology -mine-, remember?).
Methodology of Investigation: 9.0
Psychology of Development I: 8.9
Theories of Personality: 9.3
Biological Basis of Behavior II:: 8.0
Career average: 9.19.
And then he added a note below, saying I was great, that he was very proud and that he loved me very much. That almost made me cry, because my siblings and I are not the type that say "I love you" to one another. Of course, I wrote him back, thanking him for his support, and telling him I loved him very much too. That was akward to write, but it doesn't mean I don't feel that way.
It's good news, I thought my average would drop a whole lot more. At least I'm still above 9.0, and hopefully this semester I'll raise the grade a bit more. I don't like the pattern, first it was 9.7, then 9.3, and now 9.1. No way I am getting any lower.
She got me a Saint Seiya manga, and Angie calls me everytime The Beatles are on TV. It's always the little things, as the saying goes. And now, the Lost Entry III, which is completely a drag, so I'd recommend not to read it.
Just for the record, I don't feel anything for that guy, anymore. I am stuck to the guy that looks like Trent.
March 31st, 2004.
That silly unknown boy I hope I'll never meet, but I hope I will.
Getting back the internet service is a headache. We even made a phone call to Chile because of that. My dad released all of his anger on me, when there was no reason to do so. I CAN'T HEAR WHAT THE PERSON IS TELLING YOU ON THE OTHE END OF THE PHONE, DON'T SCOLD ME JUST BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TELLING YOU AND YOU'RE USELESS WHEN IT COMES TO COMPUTERS.
I would've loved to yell at him and throw him a glass. But I just cried and slit my wrist, what the fuck. My whole day was miserable because of him, and I still feel very upset. Actually, I don�t think a lot about what he did, because I get a little tearful (what he did and the way he did it was very hurtful). But even if I don�t think about that I feel upset and sad. Just when I was starting to feel better. Once again, I feel a screwdriver through my heart, I'm very sad and I feel tired, physically and mentally. The phase is starting again.
I have good news, though. I have fallen in love with a boy. Just yesterday I mentioned the types of boy I like. I left out one. Since I started college, I've seen one in particular. I know nothing about him, though. Absolutely nothing. It�s just one of the many strangers you get used to see. When I saw him for the first time, he had long hair, but this semester (a year later) he�s cut it. Ok, I don�t know what�s wrong with me, but one of these days I saw him outside my classroom, talking to someone. And I...liked him. He was wearing long sleeves, and I realized his hair is some kind of mop-top. I fell for him, but then I forgot about him, because I see him very once in a while. I saw him again yesterday, just walking by the hall. And that was it. I started to feel very strongly for him, and I couldn't keep my eyes off him.
It kind of feels at love at first sight, but I don't quite believe in that. I just have another opinion on love, maybe less romantic but more realistic. If I were to fall in love (I doubt it, and anyway, I kind of dread it), I'd want it to be gradually. To have a basis with that person, to be acquantainces, and then friends and then best friends and then...something bigger. It's nice that thing about meeting your soulmate at first sight, but I don't think that's completely possible. Your soulmate must have some flaws that your eyes can't see.
But that's a tangent. About that boy...well, he's more like a man. He must be, what? 20, 21, 22? Well, it feels like love at first sight, but obviously it's just attraction. I like the way he dresses, jeans, and long sleeves and such. And he's got some sort of beatle haircut...I don't know, I must be finding something Lennon-esque in him. Maybe it�s his glasses. But again, that's just a first impression. When I saw him last night I wanted to scream "somebody introduce me to that boy!", but...I suppose that if I met him, the enchantment would disappear. He'll turn out to be nothing like I imagine he is (although that's kind of hard for me to picture right now, part of me thinks he's the wonderful guy I think he is).
I'll never meet him, but he's a good source of hormonal rage. I have not had one of those for (*cough*two) years. Not since high school. 1, although he adored me, was all turn-offs. I never fell in love with him, and I liked him for just two weeks, really (the six months of our relationship meant nothing to me -ouch, sorry-, and if it lasted that long was because I couldn't find a way to break up...hell, the relationship even started by mistake). I hope I will never find another guy like 1, I hate being so obssesively adored. You know, being loved is nice, but it has its limits.
Alright, I was saying....I like him, that silly unknown boy. I feel like I've fallen in love with him. And I hope I will never meet him, because this feeling is just too weird. I'd never felt like that, feeling so strongly over someone I've never been less than 25 feet away from....I hope I will meet him, too.