Friday, 07/30/04 - 3:48 pm.
I got a haircut. A haircut I don't like. I wanted to change, and all magazines say "dare now that you can", so I dared, and it didn't turn out like I wanted to. It's short, when I should know it takes me YEARS to grow. it'll probably take me at least two years to get it as long as it was this morning. In front it covered my whole face, and now it's on my forehead. I'm stupid, but I bet I'd be bugging myself had I not gotten the haircut. I hate my hair.
Damn hairdresser, she always cuts it shorter than I want! I told her where to cut it, and she chopped off more than that. I look like fuckin' Britney Spears in her early, innocent days, hair down to her neck and a stupid brush on her forehead. I feel stupid. I LOOK stupid. You know what the problem is? I have curly hair (you figure out the rest of the sentence, you probably know what that means).
I drove home after getting the haircut. I didn't fuck up, but I could have. Big time. I drove the car into the garage, although I insisted my dad or my mom should do it. I was forced to do it, and it finished in a nice position. But instead of getting a "good job" or something (hey, I DID a good job, after all) they yelled at me "YOU DID IT TOO FAST!". Oh, fuck you. Fuck the both of you, next time YOU drive it.
Tonight it's the party, which is why I'm writing very early. I won't be able to do it later, because the party finishes after midnight. Stupid party, STUPID PARTY!!! Why do girls celebrate their pink 15th birthday, what's the big fucking' deal? I traded a party for a computer and I'm still enjoying its benefits. With a party, four years later, the girl sees the picture and goes: "ohmygosh, what was I thinking?", which is what's happened to all of my female acquaintances my age. I'd grant the "oh, but it was fun" comment, but I am in a bad mood so nobody gets to win except for me. Bottom line, I don't like parties. Being in a crowd depresses me.
I just took a nap, and I couldn't wake up. I tried to, and I kept dreaming I did. Now that I have woken up, though, look at me! I'm in a bad mood! Ohmygosh! I was hoping I'd catch a flu (I was sleeping next to the window and it was about to rain), to avoid tonight's compromise and tomorrow's goddamned trip to the beach. I feel sick, but perhaps it's just the bad mood I'm in.
So I'll be leaving for the party in a couple of hours. I must start getting ready, which at first is fun, like playing dress up....until I realize I am actually leaving the house like that. Oh, and with a bad haircut, too. What a hoot, haha. Ha.
You know what sucks? I'm fat. Not the "fat-obese" type, the uneven fat. I try to exercise, but I always have an excuse, and at the top of the list is that I have trouble getting out of bed every morning. I'm such a loser when it comes to this type of commitment. I am a horrible person that can't even build up a routine of exericing 20 minutes a day, and hence I am getting fat...because I'm also eating snacks in between meals, when I'd finally gotten my imbecile self to stop doing that. I'm fat. My mom tells me, Joseph tells me...not bugging me, really, more as in "you should exercise because it's healthy", so I don't take it in a hurtful way. But that just goes to show it's true, I am getting fat.
My nose tells me I'm incubating a flu, but nothing will get me out of tonight's party. Actually, it's tomorrow trip's what I'm trying to get rid of. At least at the party I'll be seeing my favorite cousin, and being with him is like watching the best episodes of Rocko's Modern Life and Invader Zim. All in all, though, I just want this goddamned weekened to be over. I'm going to start crying at any second, out of annoyance, JUST OUT OF ANNOYANCE, IS THAT OK? Jesus.
Tune in tomorrow to hear me bitch about the things that happened tonight, my leaving for the beach, and my disgusting haircut. Dear God, how I absolutely LOATHE myself some days.
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