Monday, 08/16/04 - 9:42 pm.
Veronica didn't come today, as we'd agreed she would. She didn't even call. I don't consider it a loss, though, and just to clear things up, I am not mad at her at all. I do think that's typical of her, it's been always like that, she says she will but she won't, so I really saw this coming. And seriously, it doesn't matter. I dedicated my afternoon to dealing with my permanent writer's block (I was born with it, hi), writing and drawing lame stuff, and ocassionally strumming my guitar.
In the morning I watched the Olympic Games. This diary ignores that, back in my days as a young one, I used to swim thee times a week, and I even went to competitions and won medals...on a low scale, though, nothing nationwide. I really love swimming, and I started going because my sister in law, who was a professional swimmer (going to international competitions and all) worked at some sports place and she needed someone (me) to look after her then baby son, my nephew Renan. So she'd take me with her, and I'd take an hour off to go to swimming class (and at the beggining, tennis, too). But then she left for the USA (currently living in Houston) and the sports place was -is- so far away from my house that I could never get a ride there, so I stopped swimming. Yes, boo-hoo...I know how you feel.
So this morning I was cheering at the swimming competitions, while remembering that I was the best at breaststroke, although that's the style I hated the most. I liked backstroke, but just because I could never start properly with the other three styles, I was always scared of jumping...I found the platform too high, I hated platforms. Still, I have good memories from my swimming days -I loved freestyle- as well as nice, cheap medals (yes, 1st place included). You know, maybe if I begin training this week, I could make it to the next Olympic Games *cough*. No, really.
The whole day I've been hearing news. Three things have caught my attention (well, four, if we count hurricane Charlie): the Venezuela situation, the bus tragedy, and the terrorist threat. I don't feel like talking about Venezuela, yes? so I'll talk about the other two.
See, a bus drove off a cliff this weekend, and 41 (some say 44) people were killed...a woman lost her entire family, 8 people. A woman survived, but when she saw her baby dead, she died of a heart attack. It's heartbreaking, and it's overly upsetting. It's just another tragedy that could've been avoided, and that's also being taken advantage of by the vicepresident and the rest of the government to show off: to show up at the place of the tragedy, at the funerals, and to say "we're coordinating everything, this wouldn't have happened if...", but never offering other help than free coffins.
I did, however, discover that there's some kind of brigade of psychologists whose job is to treat survivors and/or their relatives of traumatic events (like this one). And I thought that's what I'd like to do, go to those places that have been forsaken and forgotten. It crossed my mind that I'd probably never get out of my country (to work, or to settle down) if I joined a group like that one, but my main goal in life is not sightseeing but improving the quality of life of people, as much as I can. Which I consider as equally rewarding as sightseeing.
Ok, I really need to start a life plan, so I can schedule all my goals throughout my lifetime...I will go abroad, but I will come back, because there's a lot of work to do here, I just need to figure out how to do it while having money to pay my bills every month (people always say: psychology! you can't make a living out of it, you'll starve!...and the more your job is to help others, the less it pays). Remember I've said I was going to kill myself at 27?...I still like the idea, but I think I'd rather help people.
Terrorists have given this country 20 days to retire our troops from Iraq, or else there'll be a blood bath, they said. The government says that it's blackmail and that *we* are not backing off. Anyway, if something happens, they'll blame the left wing, they're always calling them terrorists for standing up for the majority. So they really have nothing to worry about. As usual, terrorist attacks hit the innocent, which I consider a terrible mistake. If they do that here, they'll win nothing, because it's not the people who rule the country, it's the president and his wealthy friends...take for granted they couldn't care less if the terrorists eliminated half of the population. In fact, it'd be a favor.
Don't you think the government would love to get rid of someone like me, who's saying all this silly, anti-system stuff in her oh-so-very public diary?
I can't imagine a terrorist attack happening here, but also, the way things are going, I don't see it not happening. It's going to be hell. For instance, the hospitals don't have any resources...with the bus tragedy, the hospitals couldn't handle all the victims, and some were taken to a mall. A mall! Imagine if they blew up the mall I hate so much (because an entire forest was destroyed), or any mall for that matter. Or any place, for that matter, dammit. This country is overpopulated, any place is crowded at any time...malls especially, that are the only entertainment these people have (and don't think it's because they like to shop, they can't really afford most of the things...they're just watching).
So picture news reports with an overload of images of people carrying the wounded, or the dead, covered up in blood. Meanwhile, the president and all his men talk to the horrified nation, saying "we know who has relation with terrorist groups", and the people is so stupid that they'll believe it, so the left wing will die, and we'll live under a fascist dictatorship, based on lies and neo-liberalist hegemony.
Ok, I just realized how gross that last paragraph was, with the bloody people, especially if there are children among the victims (which is the usual). It's what I've seen in the news today, although not because of a bomb but because of a brakeless bus, so don't think I'm exaggerating. There were many children on that bus.
Perhaps you should expect a very disturbing entry tomorrow, about the nightmares I'll be having tonight. I'm trying to pour out all my horror in this entry box, but it's not going to work. The horror is endless, and no catharsis is enough.
My dad is always craving news. He watches all the news on TV (four, at least) at noon and at night. And at this point of the day, or the night, I can't conceive how's he's still in the mood to watch movies crimes and mystery, which are his favorite. I can't handle death anymore. It seems in this country you can't even die of natural causes.
Although, if you're going to get technical about, dying of starvation, of ten shots, of 34 stabs, by expired medicines, by being run over by a drunk driver, beat up by your dad and her lover, or by falling off a cliff on a brakeless bus is very natural.
Hello, this is my country. The government says we're tourist attraction material *sobs in shame*
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