Monday, 08/30/04 - 10:15 pm.
Do you know those phone calls that change your life? I had one of those this morning...although I'm not quite certain how much my life will change, or for how long. Read and judge, because I say so.
I picked up the phone, it was my brother, the one who works at the university I attend, the one who teaches and also coordinates everything regarding my career (psychology).
There's a project for you, if you're willing to accept it. You and your friend Victor have been chosen. And I don't need to tell you this: you weren't chosen because you're my sister, but because you earned it by your own merits.
There's a group of people coming from Holland, they'll be doing an investigation on youth at risk. You and Victor were chosen to help them....the project is scheduled to last about four months. That's all the information I have right now, but I'm doing my best to get you social service merits for this.
If all goes well, you're to write an article about the investigation. It'd be published, of course, and you'd make an exposition about it next year...in Holland.
I WANTED TO SCREAM, YES?!
Simeon threw confetti.
Do you realize how BIG that is? That's a HUGE opportunity! I can't believe they've chosen me to be part of it. I can't believe Dr. G. chose me. He was my professor last semester, of the subject I hated the most, Methodology of Investigation. Ironically, I got a 9.something in the end...Victor and I got the highest grades, which is why they've chosen us.
Well, I'm still in some sort of denial, and I'm not having my hopes up. For now, all I know is that I've signed up to be part of the project. I still don't know what I'll be doing and that scares me. I've always wanted to work with communities, but if these people plan on working with "youth at risk", that only means they'll go to the most dangerous communities of the province. Still, still, still, count me in!
These past two days have brought small but meaningful accomplishments for me. My quasijob of translating a big document from english to spanish, my "book" (dad will show my writings to a "pro" tomorrow, for advice on how to improve, so hopefully it can be published) and now this. I just think of Fidel, how he always told me life would lead me, that I didn't have to worry. I just had to do my job and the rest would come by itself. I'm trying to remember his exact words, but that's what he told me.
Ok, well...like I said, I'm not getting ahead of anything. I've always wanted to do something big while I'm young, and things seem to be shaping up. But it'll still take some time. I'm not thinking of anything, I don't want to be predisposed, and I don't want to take things for granted. Next week we'll begin to talk about this project, and maybe then I will know how to react.
But that's how things are right now, and I like to think it's just the beggining.
And I hope this stupid beggining has in mind that Joseph is a part of me. I'm a little scared. Since I'm with Joseph, I'm afraid of scholarships and everything that could mean me going abroad. I told Joseph about the project, and he only smiled and said: could I possibly be any prouder of you?. He's very happy about it. At some point I said "don't worry, it's not a scholarship, or anything".
If it was about a scholarship for you to go study abroad, I'd laugh out loud for days and days until I ended up in a mental institution, pointing up at the sky, saying to God: "you love to make miserable!".
He would never tell me "don't leave". But it'd destroy his life, and I mean destroy, as in he'd go back to the life of self-destruction he often says I've saved him from. I'd HATE to choose something academical (or anything, for that matter) over him, and yet I think I'd end up doing that. He'd make me do it, anyway.
But for now, I try not to think about that. I'll worry when it happens, if it happens. I like to think that, by the time I have to leave, he'll leave with me. I love him, he's the love of my life, and I'll do all I can to keep him next to me...and in front, on top, and under *cough*, just near me, at the reach of my damned hand. I'm having a lot of faith in Fidel's words, about life making things work out. Joseph and I are supposed to work out for the rest of our lives.
- Joseph: I really love you. Do you love me?
- Me: I do, that's why I got you a pig.
That scholarship issue aside, I'm very excited about all this....and I repeat, quoting myself: that's how things are right now, and I like to think it's just the beggining.
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