Friday, 09/10/04 - 11:56 pm.
Today in the newspaper, below the daily horoscope, appeared a new section (a very, very small spot) called "born today".
Joe Perry
The guitarist of the successful rock band Aerosmith is our birthday boy of today. He was born in Lawrence, Massachusets.
The musician and also pilot loves Homer Simpson and enjoys these shows in a guitar shaped pool.
It's a strange biography, but the picture is quite alright. He makes aging look cool.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOE PERRY!!!!!
*****
- Girl: How long have you been with your boyfriend?
- Me: four months.
- Girl: you always look so sweet to each other, all mushy and stuff. So cute. How do you do it, what's the secret?
I wouldn't know, I replied. I haven't paid attention to that fact, but today I was told a couple of times that Joseph and I look very in love with each other. Well, that's not my fault.
This same girl, a classmate of mine, invited me to her birthday party tomorrow. I think I won't go, which is actually kind of embarrasing. She's very nice, nice enough to invite me to her birthday party. But she lives far away. And I really don't feel like going, I barely know her. I'll get her a present, though, because I'm still moved by her kindness. Plus, she's a good teammate, she works very well in a group.
Fer lent me his camera today (Thanks to Joseph, actually. Joseph's very sick, but he stayed later than he'd planned tonight, just so he could get Fer's camera for me. He's such a doll, I adore him). Whoooo, pictures. Unfortunately, I came home to find that I can't plug that camera with the wire of my own camera (that doesn't work), because the wire is stuck to my own camera. I'll have to wait until monday, and that kind of sucks.
No, I don't suck. It sucks, YOU suck - Chandler.
One of my favorite lines, ever. Because I don't suck.
I was slightly sad last night. I actually shed a tear or two, because I was reading my august 2002 entries, which is when I started cutting for real and D had just started to ignore me. I'm returning Revolution X [the Aerosmith game]. I don't want that here. It was THAT bad, all that...I mean, I returned the Aerosmith video game.
Things changed a lot when I fell in love with D. And when he left me alone, my whole world fell apart for good. Looking back, perhaps he was extremely overwhelmed and embarrased, by the stupid pressure of our friends. I don't know, I'm just trying to excuse him for what he did to me. I'm trying to find a hint that could tell me "look, he left you out because you did this", but I haven't found a thing...and yet I still believe it was my fault. I have no doubt that he simply stopped having feelings for me, overnight. After all, Paul McCartney sings: love has a nasty habit of dissapearing overnight.
Anyway, I got myself in a very emotional state, and I cried a little last night. And even this morning I was sad. Nothing out of control, seriously...I just had an ugly feeling in my ribcage. But as Paul McCartney warned: there will be times when all the things (s)he said will fill your head. D said things to me that just took my breath away. And for some reason, I refuse to forget.
I was still a little sad in the afternoon, so I put on black eye shadow for university. I never wear make-up, except for mascara and lipgloss (I honestly have no clue as to how the rest of articles are applied on, and I don't care to find out). I only put some eye shadow on when I'm in a very somber mood.
I think it was because of my bitterness that I developed a black hole in the center of my stomach in the afternoon. Freud would say it's psychosomatic, and I'd say "yes, sir". It was some kind of hunger, or like being punched. It hurt.
Joseph held me very tight, and I only said: Dude, careful with the baby. Lately, as I've been saving all those entries from senior high (that contain issues on self-destruction, brokenheartedness, loneliness and hatred) I've had a particular craving for having Joseph in my bed at night, and when I wake up. Not really in a sexual way. I just want to reach out and find him next to me, to know he'll always be with me. I really loved D, like I never loved and will love anybody else. But honestly, Joseph is the love of my life.
And I'll close the entry saying that this weather is driving me nuts. It's hot and rainy, on the same day. But this week it's been cold at night. and this morning I woke up to find a gentle rain, a nonstop drizzle, like the one that used to fall around the time I lost hope and decided I was going to kill myself.
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