Wednesday, 10/06/04 - 10:11 pm.
My cousin picked me up and drove me to the university this morning. I was embarrased, I thought he had better things to do than to drive a spoiled child around. But he was completely charming, as he always is. He's very handsome, let me add...I tend to think my mother's side of the family is a bit more good-looking. Anyway, we talked all the way, and he gave me wonderful news: I'm about to become a father. His wife is pregnant, two months. I can't count how many times I said congratulations.
I had to be early at the university because my guitar lessons started today. My instructor is this boy I've always had a crush on. A year ago I saw him playing at the Beatle's tribute, and I found out what his name was. I used to see him sometimes at the weekly concerts in the campus. He's very good at handling instruments, and he plays guitar really well.
I had a "list" of boys I liked, and Joseph (then known as DenimJacketGuy) and this boy were at the top. When Joseph and I started going out, I was a little afraid of seeing this kid around, because I knew I'd fall in love with him. Guitar player, loves The Beatles, looks like Joe Perry's son...that was enough for me. So one day, last semester, that I attended my guitar lessons and I discovered he was taking the place of my instructor, I simply decided not to attend that day's lesson. I was scared.
Today, though, I walked in the guitar room and he was there, holding a black electric guitar...my dream guitar. I only smiled at him. He introduced himself as Martin, although I know that's not his name. He insisted it was, and I didn't want to sound like a stalker and tell him his real name, and also that I'd seen him in the newspaper giving an opinion on a book (a month ago or so). I wanted to offer him a mint when I noticed he had a sorethroat, and I wanted to raise my hand and yell "I love The Beatles!" when he played the intro to Imagine and then the intro to Hey Jude on the keyboard. But I just remained quiet.
It's five people, including myself, in that class. He's the instructor. He's very funny, and knows a lot about music. His first name is Joseph, like my Joseph, but we'll call him Joe, yes? So Joe is a wonderful teacher, and I was embarrased at every mistake I made, because I wanted to impress him. Obviously that would be impossible, but one can dream.
I walked out of class...and my heart still belonged to Joseph. Joe is a mild crush, I admit it, but only as the five Aerosmith members and the four beatles are. Joseph is definitely the love of my llife.
Speaking of Joseph, our conversation last night on the phone left me in tears, but things were bettter than they'd been this week. I got him to say what I suspected I'd done: you hurt me. I knew I had, and I was devastated when he confirmed it. Although he finished the conversation stating that he'd be mad at me if I was sad. I don't think that made any sense, I had my reasons to be sad. I was worried about him, and although it was obvious we weren't going to break up, I felt our relationship was going downhill. We were too emotional.
We were meeting today at noon, after my guitar lessons, and he arrived 15 minutes later. I was a little scared, he's never late, maybe he doesn't care for me like he used to. He showed up and said something about the bus he took. And for the record, he loves me like he always has.
I bought lunch (for me, he wasn't hungry) and we sat at some staircase. He said he'd leave the campus afterwards...I think I've mentioned he doesn't want to be in the university, at least for this week, due to some issues he has with Fer, so he just comes to see me at noon and then takes off. I pulled him closer, but I had to respect his decision. And his decision was to leave the campus at 2 o'clock.
First let's go visit our friends, he said. So we went to the juice parlor outside the university, where his friends Adam and Tiny always are. He said it'd be for a while, but we stayed there for three hours. I was more than happy, because I didn't want him to leave me. I figured that was a little weak and egoistical from me, which is why I didn't insist more than once. Luckily it started to rain and we got stuck in that room, with the two of his friends, who're always telling nice things about me, and picking on Joseph. But he knows how to fight back.
I laid down on the rug, resting my head in this huge pillow. Joseph laid down next to me, and we stayed like that for a long time, cuddling. I really love the fucker.
Eventually we did leave, though. He dropped me off at the entrance-for-pedestrians of the campus. I told him he didn't leave at 2, like he'd said he would. Technically, everything went as planned. As long as I wasn't in the campus, I wasn't breaking my rules.
Tomorrow there's a concert: The Beatles, John Lennon's birthday. It'll be great. I overheard my guitar instructor of the last course (who's the head of that...departament of the university, related to culture: music, dance, the choir, etc.) singing Sexy Sadie. Joe will be playing, too. On october 30th last year there was a Beatles tribute, too, which is when I saw Joe for the first time. Almost a year ago, today, that is, I met him properly (but he doesn't have long hair anymore). Even if he insists on giving a fake name.