1170 entries later, he announces he's moving back in.
Sunday, 10/10/04 - 9:57 pm.

I'm not really in the mood to write. But I guess I should, since something very important happened today. I don't know if I'm calm because I'm in denial or because I saw him calm, or because 15 minutes is enough to create an idea and make it take root in your mind.

You see, in the morning my family and I went out for breakfast (obviously we wouldn't go out for dinner). It was ok. Since some time ago, though, my parents insisted that my brother's girlfriend seemed distant and upset. And they made that remark again this morning, to my sister.

This evening before dinner (obviously not breakfast) my dad said to me: your brother is coming over, there seems to be a problem. He didn't say "your brother AND his girlfriend" (addressed by name, though), so I knew something had happened. And I knew. I just knew.

By the way, my nephew is staying in my house until wednesday (his mom, my sister is abroad), so we sent him to my bedroom. I didn't want to take part of the talk so I went with him, but my dad called me. I was just scared to see my brother break down. I wouldn't stand it.

He started to talk. He said they'd broken up and he was moving out of their house. This isn't sudden...we've been having problems since last october. He was very calm, almost relieved. And that relieved me. He explained the whole deal to us. Truthfully, their routine killed their relationship (they weren't married, only living together), as well as other elements that maybe don't deserve a long explanation in this diary. They just weren't a couple anymore.

They handled everything pretty well, they're very intelligent and mature, both of them. They've talked things over (they've been talking for a year), and he's decided to leave the house and everything in it to her, except for his closest belongings (clothes, CDs, books and -yay- the Play Station 2), to save a lot of psychic energy. Also, he's moving back in this house, which is probably why I'm not very sad. It'll be great to have him in the house again.

My very first entry in this diary was written on the day my brother and his girlfriend came over to announce that they were moving in together. Three years or so later, my brother comes and tells us they've broken up. He wants to get out of there as soon as he can, so maybe by the end of the week he'll be living in the bedroom that has belonged, in the past, to the doctors in the house (my other two brothers...my dad says that bedroom harbors geniuses). Now he'll have his own salary all to himself, too, so he'll save to buy a car, and even maybe will come with us (my parents, my nephew and I) to Texas in december, to visit our brothers (the one in Houston -the only one married- and the one in El Paso).

He's the one who works at my university, so I think I'll come home from there with him every night, instead of having my dad pick me up. That'll sure be a relief for him. I'm imagining how things will be from now on, having my brother back in the house. And I can't complain (his long-term plans, though, include going abroad to study, and he's already received offers from different countries; he probably won't be here for long).

Her...I haven't thought a lot about her, but now I do. Just a week ago she gave me a ride to the university (she works there,, too), and I told her about Joseph and my book...I said I'd started to see her as a sister. And now she'll be gone. How many times will I see her again as of today? very few. Perhaps she'll come to say goodbye to the family and that'll be it. I'll miss her.

She didn't want to end the relationship, but it seems she's just trying to hold on to what they've built together. They actually enjoy not being with each other. By the things I've seen when I'm around them, and by what I've heard from them, I have to agree: they're better off without each other. They work at the same place, they're stressed all the time because of work, all they talk about at home is work, and when they have a day off, he watches TV and she sleeps. It doesn't sound very thrilling. Plus their social network was very limitated, especially for my brother. His revolved around hers.

My parents aren't happy, of course. They're conservative and have always believed in marriage and all...but they're supporting their son 100%, like they always do. This is your house, all this is yours...the money you used to spend on your household can be now spent on things for yourself: say, a car, or savings for your studies. Such statements. My mom is crying, I suppose she always wished for her children to have a stable marriage with kids, something that has not happened in four out of five cases.

They seemed so attached to each other, and a year later I've come to discover they were trying to save a relationship that wasn't working. Just lately I'd been thinking they'd probably get married in a near future...you know, together for three years and such. Going abroad and getting a higher degree wasn't a problem, we had many options on continuing our career abroad, we're not separating because of different schedules and goals...there's just no love anymore.

I don't know...I'm very ambivalent. I'm happy to know my brother will be living with me (and my parents) again, but I'm sorry things didn't work out, and we're losing a family member, which is what his girlfriend was. My brother talks about some sort of mourning process for the both of them (him and his ex-girlfriend), something everybody who loses an object of intense affection has to go through.

They fell apart, when I thought they were growing stronger (look, denial is going away and depression is starting to kick in). I'm a little scared, to fall out of love myself. It seems so easy.

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