Thursday, 10/28/04 - 10:35 pm.
These days are beautiful, clear and windy (too hot at times, though). It's the perfect time of the year, and that makes me both happy and empty.
I spent about two hours with Joseph, finally in a way that didn't involve anything physical beyond hugs. I explained to him how I was feeling (*cough* sexually) so he accepted the fact and kept his distance on that matter. But it was ok. I missed talking to him. He's got the most bizarre ideas sometimes, he cracks me up.
But I have to admit that sometimes it saddens me that we don't have anything in common. Sometimes I don't know what to talk about, because we're at the opposite pole from each other. I made a comment today involving Coca-Cola and imperialism, and he only said I'd been brainwashed. Yesterday he took out his binder containing all his Magic cards, and I took out my Beatles book. We both were looking at our thing, and you can bet we weren't interested in each others' interests.
I don't mind a debate once in a while, but I hate it that he, out of tiredness, is forced to wrap it with a "well, neither of us can do a thing about that, so why break our heads thinking about that?". That's the only thing I agree on, because I'm just too tired to go on myself. You just can't convince someone with a different way of thinking, can you? And while this relationship has taught me a lot about tolerance, I wish sometimes we agreed on something relevant, or we were interested in the same thing.
This afternoon I was sitting in the grass, in the woods (a little forest in the campus, very comfortable), waiting for Joseph. At a certain point, to take a break from the words in the book, I looked up, just to see around me. In the path that runs parallel to the woods, I saw Joe walking, on his way to the entrance (he was leaving the university).
I figured he wouldn't see me, so I just looked down to keep reading. I decided to look back up to see him walk away, but right when I did that he stopped suddenly halfway through the staircase, and turned around, to me. There was a girl with him, she takes guitar lessons with me, so Joe is his instructor...AND her classmate. I guess she told him "look, there's that girl in our classroom" or something to that effect. He waved at me, and then she waved at me, and I waved back. And life went on.
I think constantly about Joe. That we do have some things in common. I'm scared of the fact that I fall for him a little bit more everytime I see him. What about Joseph? I could never leave Joseph. Even if he's constantly wondering how come I fell for someone like him, I know he has high hopes for our relationship, that even involve marriage and children (in a very far, faaaar future, I tell him...I want my master degree first).
I tell myself it's just a phase. Once the semester finishes, I won't see Joe like I see him now, and he won't get between Joseph and me anymore. I might see him once in a while, but that'll be about it. The sad part, though, is that I don't want to stop seeing him. You have no idea how I wish to see him with a girlfriend, so I can get my heart broken and forget all about him.
I have to go study for tomorrow's midterm. Also, tomorrow, I'll go see how's my book coming along, and I'll see...well, those two Josephs.