A loss and a permanent profit.
Saturday, 11/06/04 - 11:16 pm.

I was typing a long entry, and the lights went out. I don't feel like writing the whole thing again, because it was very thought out.

Ok, so Joseph called me, he said that he'd been thinking of me the whole day, and that while he was at a card tournament he was thinking all that about me being his counterpart, which is one of the reasons why he lost the tournament. He was funnier and cuter than usual tonight. And I've realized I still feel strongly for him, I am seriously in love with him...the same or even more than the first day. That's great, because these past weeks I'd feared that my feelings for him were fading away. But that's not the case. I talked to him tonight and I had a smile on my face all the time. He's truly one of the best things that have ever happened to me.

I'm a little saddened by the "loss" of Joe, though, I must admit. You see, after all, he's got a lot of things I've always wanted in a guy...I think he's the guy of my dreams...I'm not being poetic, I mean like "I had a dream last night about this amazing boy who was the love of my life". He's that boy...well, minus the love of my life part, because I never got to the point of thinking "Joe is the love of my life". I believe the hurt has made me move on, and hopefully I can start seeing him like my instructor and my acquaintance, and not like a love interest. I don't want that, I don't want to feel like I've lost someone special.

After all, I am in love with Joseph. I have no doubts about that anymore (these past weeks, our own conflicts plus the guitar instructor/crush coming in the picture weakened me for a while).

All mushy stuff aside, today I attended a play in which my nephew had a part. We had to pay $4 each (my parents, my aunt, my sister and me), which I consider plainly stupid. All the kids forgot their lines and literally whispered, so no one understood what the play was about. My nephew did great, except for his voice sometimes. But he looked really cute.

The november weather has arrived completely. I think, I THINK, today was the windiest day of the year so far. I love this weather, it's my favorite. Clear skies, wind, low temperatures (compared to the usual hot weather of the country, anyway). It brings me happy childhood memories. But then I remember all the homeless people (and animals), and my bubble bursts.

I'm leaving for Houston in about 40 days. Just a thought. As usual, I am ambivalent about that, but I'll stop here before I lose this goddamn entry as well.

Dear Joseph: I love you.

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