Tuesday, 11/30/04 - 9:25 pm.
Wednesday:
- get up at 6 am.
- attend the morning conference.
- turn in the research.
- have a cup of coffee with my school teacher/friend at 2 o'clock.
- Psychodinamics final at 4.
Thursday and friday:
-studying for the horrible psychometrics final.
- working on a group essay.
Saturday:
- psychometrics final in the morning.
- christmas shopping with my sister and nephew in the afternoon.
- attend Norm's dancing debut at 5 o'clock.
Sunday:
- study for psychology of apprenticeship.
- work on group essay.
And let's not talk about next week yet.
I had to volunteer myself this morning, as I did yesterday, for the conference logistics. So I skipped the morning ones. I helped, and then my classmates and I engaged on arguments about the schedules for the last two weeks of university.
I called Joseph during lunch (I got to have three sandwiches) and he sounded nice, and I was nice, so my fears about breaking up faded away. He said he'd be at the university at 4 o'clock.
After the afternoon conference, at 5:30, I called him, and he was in the cafeteria. He was with his best friend, who'll be his classmate (he signed up for psychology, too)...and who could become Angie's boyfriend.
Joseph said he'd walk me to the classroom, and on our way there we didn't talk much. I didn't really know what to say to him. Things are so awkward, and I don't even know why. I guess I wanted to apologize for not having time to be with him, especially now, that I'm only two weeks away from leaving for Houston for a month and a half.
The most significative thing he said was that he was going to pay the university yesterday, and he lost $20, so he was a day late. That day late (today), when he finally got some more money, he was told he owed $7 more, for the delay.
We were arriving to the classroom...
- Me: do you love me the same?
- Him: I can't really answer you that.
He said it so serious. I don't think he had anything nice to add, like, say, "I love you even more", which is what I could've expected two months ago.
We kissed for about 20 seconds. I asked him if he'd come tomorrow to have lunch with me and he said "no". I asked him if I'd see him. "I could die tomorrow". And again, he didn't have a face that allowed to think he was joking.
- Me: thank you for walking me.
- Him: I wanted to.
- Me: thank you for wanting to.
I don't know what to think, because even though he says everything so wholeheartedly, at the same time he's so distant, so far away from me. And I realize it's probably my fault for not having time (and THAT is not my fault). I'm leaving for Houston on two weeks, and next time I see him, I won't even be 19 anymore. I also think he's really worried about starting the university again, and that's stressing him (especially the money).
I must go to bed early tonight (refer to line number one on my schedule above), so have good night. I know I'm not having a good one myself.
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