Monday, 12/13/04 - 8:35 pm.
This morning I...I went to Joseph's house. My parents and I had to go to the bank, but first they dropped me off at Joseph's...of course they stayed in the car, waiting for me. I called him very early (I woke him up) to confirm the address, and I really didn't have problem finding the house. It looked small on the outside, but I knew it was pretty big. It's long, actually.
The housekeeper answered the door, and she said she'd lead me to his bedroom. His house is beautifully decorated. His bedroom is under a terrace, kind of under the house. It's some kind of cave, away from everything. Which is why he can't hear the doorbell, and, as he'd said to me once, you could be screaming in the middle of a sexual intercourse and no one would hear you. I believe him now (not because I tried that! Jesus, Christ, Lord, no).
I knocked softly and I opened the door. The room is divided in two, by a wall: one half is for the computer, his demons, his christmas tree (aw), his stereo...and the other is for his bed, the TV and such.
He was watching TV and jumped out of his bed when I walked in. It was awkward for a few seconds, but then we kissed talked about things I don't really remember. Nothing important. I gave him a book he'll need for his university course (so he won't have to buy it). And then he stared at me.
- Him: now I remember why I fell in love with you.
- Me: why?
- Him: because you are beautiful.
It'd been so long since I'd had the remote feeling that he loved me.
He showed me all the stuff in his bedroom. I was shaking, and for the first time in my life, I wasn't scared of sex, and if my parents hadn't been waiting for me, I'd have knocked him over right there (his parents would've been happy about that, believe me). But I only put my arms around his neck, he held me and slid his hands all over me and we kissed for a long time. I love you, he said. I hadn't heard that in weeks, maybe in over a month.
I could tell he was happy. And he walked me to the porch, and I knew everything was good between us again. We stopped at the staircase and he said give me a hug. He told me to have a good trip, not with the hurt and disappointment I was painfully getting used to. He was peaceful. We kissed one more time and I left. I didn't want to. I loved his bedroom (and of course I wanted to be with him, now that there wasn't any more hostility).
He was embarrased to see my parents, so when I got back to the car, I told them he was sick, he had a flu, but he wished you a nice trip. Mom asked if his parents were there. I said that his mom was, and that I'd said a quick hello. I wasn't going to say "nah, it was just the two of us in his bedroom...he felt me up a little". Duh.
I came home happy. I think I was going to cry. Nothing mattered anymore. He was happy, and he still loves me. We're ok. There was no need to apologize, there was no need to say anything. Me walking into his bedroom was the only thing he wanted, the only thing it took to fix everything.
Earlier, though, wheen I was still sleep, I'd dreamed of Joe. He was playing guitar and suddenly he kissed me on the lips, after pretending he was going to kiss me on the cheek. I kissed him back and then he made a face and backed off, like remembering I had a boyfriend.
I woke up confused, wanting to have a "just-add-water" Freud to ask him how to interpret that dream. I think I kind of love Joe, too. We're talking right now, and as usual he says funny things...(the Peugeout commercial is a piano that falls over a car). But seriously, I guess I'll stick to Joseph. I do want to keep Joe as my coleopter, though.
Argh, I'm leaving on wednesday. I've packed most of my bags, and I'm starting to feel sick (the plane, the plane). I guess tomorrow I'll write my farewell entry, I believe I won't be able to update everyday...shame.
But hey, ho. I'm happy. I did it. That was all I kept saying when I got home. "I did it, I did it". And I was shaking. Hello world, I love Joseph. And guess what? Joseph does love me, too.
prev / next